Mar 7, 2007

believe unedited

when it seems that the world has turned its back on you, have courage and be strong. in the end you'll see, it will pay off...

recent events have tested my patience and spirits to its limits, and i'm glad to say that i did not bear down. i would cry at the back of mark's car while hopping from one place to another, i would cry in front of mark --- as he would sip his mango shake --- in front of jec, merx and gab; even in front of aldrin, fayet, james and lak. and everytime i cry, i would not say anything when they ask. i would just wipe my tears silently and smile.

i cried because i cannot believe the things i have endured alone; i cried because of the hurt that i've been keeping inside --- the pain of being left alone, of moving forward and giving until it hurts more. the agony of sleepless weeks and ego-touching, mind-blowing words you get the next day and all you have to do is close your eyes and let them pass. when your friends want to give up, you try to keep the fire burning, you try to lighten them up even if you need lightening up yourself --- a special talent i have, being a "wounded healer". it's like giving your "extra" energy to others, then you realize you're bleeding because you need what you've just given. i cried because of the overwhelming feeling when you realize it's all over; after working so hard and keeping the pain, i can finally say to myself "it has passed and i'm still standing". i cried, and in the end, people have seen and appreciated my strength and courage.

maldita as i am, having a very long patience is quite a contradiction, maybe an irony. and only a few people realize this because i try hard not to reveal it, until now (of course he,he!).

with this, i want to take the opportunity to thank a few peole, in random order:

jec - for the companionship, friendship, laughter and smile. for understanding me always. for the support and instant lifeline.

mark - "mama"...for the silence, jokes, learning and faith. for being strong for the people around, for understanding me everytime i will cry in front of your mango shake. for the instant home, for the music and ride.

merx and gab - for making me smile, staying by my side everytime i cry and for reminding me that the world is really unfair. for making me laugh after i shed my tears--- for being so good and real.

josh - for the patience,sweetness, and fun moments. for being beautiful, and for making me "beautiful", for the creativeness and concern. for the strength and prayer.

aldrin - for making me laugh and for cuddling me when i cry. for being a good friend and "rep"...thank you for sticking it with me and fayet.

james and fayet - for never giving up, for believing and for the support. for understanding me all the way, for the courage and strength.