Dec 16, 2008

merry christmas!

this is sooo urgent.

i am needed back home. there's no emergency; my parents just want to see me dragging my feet around their house. for the remainder of the holiday break, i will be struggling to fight one of the places summoned from my own personal hell - that is my hometown; with the tedium killing me every chance it gets. i just hope that the town will be as cheery and alive as cebu, even just this once. and, that my friends and i be allowed to go out that we can help each other overcome the sullen and gloomy spirit the environment fosters. to those who are not informed, most of my friends and i are not allowed to go out. this, i (we) do not know why. maybe because my (our) parents are protecting us from the vicious tendencies the townspeople are capable of, or maybe it's just the simple: "you're not allowed to go out, period."

as much i love to spend a few more days here, i really have to pack my bags and tow myself to the terminal by four o'clock pm tomorrow. why? number one, i am afraid my parents might scold me. yes, even at this age, i still fear the reprimand and accusations being voiced over by the shrieking tones of the good people i call my parents. altogether my vitals increase whenever this stuff happens; it's like i've developed a trauma or something. in fact, it gives me the chills. and sometimes, it haunts me in my dreams --- a.k.a nightmares. second, i am a shock-absorber, a buffer, who is forcing to have a year-long vacation, and i think i can't handle attacks of the kind from my parents. next, i am trying to secure and protect my future --- my life, that is --- so any disappontment that would certainly add-up to my already sad behavior will likely cost me everything. fourth, i want to avoid the incremental drama my mother would surely burden me with. and lastly, in the family, i talk less. being the surreptitious being that i am, i try to avoid any move that would earn me the spotlight. for me, it's much better to be ignored; makes me happy.

before i go on a very long cyberspace vacation, i would like to thank the following who have made my three-day stay here much more fun than what i had anticipated.

sharmaine, rizzelle and darling (with boyfriend nino). pigging out after class made me relax and forget about the doom we all went through in the hands of prof. m---. i'm glad i came with you guys. i really did enjoy the night, even if all we did was eat, talk, shop and walk around --- it was tremendous fun. sha, thanks so much for picking out the beautiful dress i wore yesterday. i hope you understand by now that i have a shattered self-esteem, and with it comes my refusal to look in a full-bodied mirror, as well as believing the compliments people give me.

ate emma, jen, kat and sharmaine (again). the torture we got from the same professor was forgotten because of the yummy pizza we ate at alberto's. the chikka was really enjoying; we got to know each other well. i'm really looking forward to more of the session.

to all of you guys, i wish we will be complete the next time we hang out and enjoy each other's company.

not to forget, kit. the ill-fortune i had with my shoes was bearable because you're such a selfless friend. thank you for seeking the best mall shortcuts just so i can avoid further pain. and i really appreciate your effort to meet-up. i'm glad i have a friend like you who wouldn't mind sitting down for long hours of talk. thank you jud.

to everyone, have a very merry christmas!

no matter what this season holds for us, let us try to celebrate it the best way we can. avoid anything that can only spoil this once-in-a-long-year occasion. think: 'tis the season to be jolly.

this is the only time we can really, fully express our gratitude and love to the people dear to us and we ought to submit with superb grace. the only time? how so? --- because almost all of us do not take the chance we are given day after unpredictable day; we wait for special events and seasons since the everyday chance looks and sounds hokey.

we all have our share of memoirs that make up this year a beautiful and blessed one, and with that, it is but right that we also give back. let us remember: we are blessed by God to bless others. and the simplest, most teeny effort to do this is not to shoo carolers away. come on, this is after all the season of giving and sharing.

it is not a mandate that everyone should spend christmas with grandiosity. as long as we're sitting around a humble meal with family and friends on christmas eve, it'll do.

they say that the best way to open presents is to really destroy and mangle the wrapper. i don't understand what it's for, but there's no harm in practicing the act.

what gift to buy? --- if you're still in a dilemma and running out of time, it's best to know that the simplest things are the ones that make people happy. why not make a personalized gift, say a poem? it won't cost a dime but it'll surely touch that soft spot you're aiming for.

so many things i'd like to say, but so little time. i'll try to post more of my scatterbrained thoughts the soonest i can (considering the decrepit internet connection we have at home). i still have to pack my bags and prepare for the trip.


love, prayers, wishes and hugs ... ICON

Dec 15, 2008

random thoughts

i like to operate on the assumption that all people are good. but i can't do away with the universal truth, that, people are divided into three. some are divinely good, while others are infernally wicked and the remaining are severely moral.

today, i want to grab my favorite holiday coffee at starbucks. but, my starbucks buddies are not around. loida is in leyte; kit is, i think, sleeping his ass off after a slightly tiring night (that's what i've heard); and jem is at work. so far, these are the only people i want to spend my starbucks moments with. only three of the good people in my life. because i can freely pester them, and rant and gush over unimportant details of my not-so-picturesque and dull day to day life. i miss them so much!!! and to think, i just saw kit lastnight and loida a few days back.

nemo, as yoyek told me, is a very rare kind of fish that can easily be caught. they don't swim around in ones, they always have a crowd with them. sometimes in fours or threes.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! isn't it the most wonderful time of the year? i sooo love christmas and believe it or not, i still believe in santa claus. i know, i know, it is amazingly obvious that santa claus is only our parents but for an anonymous reason, it doesn't make my belief in saint nick drop even a centimeter. crazy as it sounds, i still look forward to meeting him and having a tour around the north pole. and, i wouldn't mind meeting a few of his elfen friends.

Dec 3, 2008

little ashes

what is salvador dali's gender preference??? can someone enlighten me on this topic i definitely find controversial?

little ashes is the film adaptation --- filled with striking reveilles --- of the life of celebrated artist salvador dali, with his friends: writer federico garcia lorca and filmmaker luis bunuel.

i love dali; i adore his works. but i know nothing --- not even a speck --- about certain cryptic details of his life. i honestly have not read any bio of his, or any piece of article relating to his personal life. isn't it shocking that someone who claims to adore and love him knows absolutely nothing? all i can draw from the miscroscopic info i have is that he studied in madrid to become a great artist, which he eventaully became. and that he has mastered the bizarre blend of shyness and rampant exhibitionism, obviousy reflected upon in his art.

i don't know how to react to this extremely surprising, confusing question that the movie trailer and synopsis has planted in my mind. three things; one is the unfathomable, unbearable (for me) query: is dali gay? the other can be considered an echo of the first: dali is gay?! and lastly, is his summer with lorca brokeback mountain-ish?! --- WAAAHHH!!!

have i been hiding under some proverbial rock that even this fact (?!), not a grain of insight i can pick up from my brain? or is this thought just an absurdly conjured up piece of crap my twisted mind has invited?

something inside me wants to shout in defense: NO! HE IS NOT GAY. but what do i know? what is the truth? the movie may reflect a series of his encounters, but it will not depict the whole reality of salvador dali.

one thing is for sure, i am stirred.

Nov 29, 2008


here's a small list of ideas that comes to mind whenever we hear the word thanksgiving: family dinner around a fat stuffed turkey, yummy-looking assortment of pastries, harold waldorf's famous pumpkin pie (okay, that doesn't really count), pilgrim costumes, and plays revolving around pilgrims and native american indians.

in the philippines it is not customary to hold thanksgiving dinners; at least that's what i've observed. maybe because we don't have pilgrims and native american indians around, or maybe because we're not just that into stuffed turkeys. but what the heck, the purpose of thanksgiving is to celebrate the blessings and miracles we have received over the year. no matter how shitty our year was, still there are snippets of events we are to be thankful for. as it occurs, i am writing with shredded willpower about this topic i don't find cheerful; however, i am trying to finish this with as much dignity as it deserves. okay, let me stop the ranting; let's move along. so, i am pretty sure that the question, "what are you thankful for?" pops in your head. to evade further boredom, in random orded, i am thankful for...

1) the blessing of family

2) the current events that have made me a much stronger person

3) the divine revelation of separating --- no confusion this time --- who my real friends are from those who are just: using me, pretending to like me, experimenting with my unpredictable chameleon-like mood and character, gathering information to use against me and list goes on

4) the generous compensation i am relentlessly getting despite my illogical, erratic and undeserving behavior lately

5) the unsinkable support i am getting from those who love me

... so that was roughly the greater scheme summarized in five phrases. let us celebrate thanksgiving in our own "austere" way(s) of commencement, simply because there're a lot to be grateful for. but, let us not forget that, we don't need to wait for this time of year to come around for us to count our blessings and say our thank you-s. everyday can be thanksgiving. here's one that's worth every second of merry-making: life.

it's thanksgiving, what are you thankful for?

happy thanksgiving everyone!

Nov 28, 2008

guys getting mushy?

november 26th, my siblings and i watched twilight. yes, i watched again after watching the movie with friends in an earlier schedule.

november 27th, i saw my copy of twilight lying in my brother's bed. he's reading it. earlier that day, i overheard some of manoy's REM friends discussing about watching the movie. one went, "bay, mo-tan-aw nata, nindot bay," then the other said, "di ko bay, vampire vampire man gud." then another one rebutted, "di bay oy, romance man, sagul man." then they saw me and asked how the movie went and how it matches the book. they're men with girlfriends; computer addicts aged 20 and above.

i went to powerbooks with loida that afternoon, there we saw two male medicine students inquiring for a paperback copy of the first installment. waiting, they chatted just beside me while facing copies of breaking dawn. their topic: midnight sun. one was regaling how midnight sun is twilight written in edward's perspective. the other one was about to purchase twilight.

today, just before i left the pad, i saw my brother pull-out new moon from my book drawer. at this moment, he is reading it.

when girls read twilight (and/or books written in a female perspective, especially the ones classified under romance), it seems quite normal. but when you hear straight guys talking about it, it feels a little weird. i am not driscriminating; i am not implying that such books are to be read by human beings of the female species alone, i'm not. it just feels eerie; i mean, men have always reflected themselves as tough and non-emotional. through time, they've always projected that masculine, testosterone-fueled side of their persona. and it just seems weird, peculiar for them to open up to a romance story, written in a girl's perspective. you could expect them to read Tolkien or King or other books that're written through the eyes of a guy or of a third party. but through the eyes of a girl who is madly in love? it's unlikely. nice to know that men are becoming softer these days; that they are opening up to the emotional side of women --- thay they're trying to understand that soft spot we have inside us. it's good fun, just a sort of out-of-this-world experience for me. funny, mind-boggling, odd.

Nov 26, 2008

my take on twilight the movie

Warning: contains spoilers. So if you haven’t had the chance to watch, better not read this because I am so spilling.

The long wait is finally over.

One word: FANTASTIC. I’ve never seen as great an adaptation as the movie. Every key event in the book was there, some of the lines from the book were even hashed, and the shot of thrill you get from reading can be experienced all through out the film. Two thumbs up! I highly recommend not only to fans but to movie buffs as well.

For me, the coolest part of the movie was the baseball scene. It was simply awesome, plus, the song "Supermassive Black Hole" made the total a W-O-W. The air when Edward (Rob) and Emmett (Kellan) collided looked so fun and real that it felt like you’re watching it in the flesh. Alice (Ashley) is a good pitcher, Jasper (Jackson) on the other hand looks like a pro. And the thunder and lightning effects touched-up the already amazing picture. The other scene that stuck to me was the part where Edward brought Bella (Kristen) to meet his family for the first time. Aside from their beautiful house, the sight of the cooking Cullens was a surprise. They were really making Italian food for Bella --- how sweet is that? However, it was the kissing scene that knocked me breathless. It was so intense --- in every literal sense of the word. The atmosphere that took the screen and the entire theater was a mixture of passion, desire and the ultimate want (and in a way, lack) of control. And yes, the chemistry was pretty much hyperventilating; it really is true, they ring sex up the yin yang. I also adore the meadow moment and the part where they show up at school together for the first time. I love the movie, so naturally I pine for almost all of the scenes.

In as much as I love the movie, of course there are things that I would have loved to see. First of which is the chapter called Blood Type, where Edward tells Bella that he thought Mike Newton was dragging her dead body off to bury it in the woods; the part where he tells her that he was concerned he might have to avenge her murder. I thought that part was a whole crack-up. Then there are the conversations they have in Bella’s room, more than ever the parts where Bella says, "Can I have a human minute?" Lastly, more scenes with the Cullens; it would be nice if we saw them a lot in the movie. But anyway, the film is perfect as it already is. Everyone was superb; from the Cullens down to Embry and Sam --- they all were great with who they portrayed. They all seemed to be the exact embodiment of the book’s characters. Especially Rob and Kristen, I couldn’t imagine another pair playing Edward and Bella. Kudos to all the stars and crew!

Was the movie as good as the book? The answer is no. Reading Twilight and watching the movie tie-in are two diverse experiences. The book is written with so much detail and fitting everything into a two-hour movie is just impossible. With reading, you can take all the time you want to contemplate the events and run them in your imagination. You make what you want to make of it; you can play the episodes in the manner you require to see them. Conversely with the movie, you have to set your mind to the pace it was set. Further, you make use of the interpretation of the production staff and actors. But as I said earlier, the core of the account was alive from beginning to end. Did the movie give justice to Stephenie Meyer’s work? Yes. It was vindicated to the last rubble. The author herself said she was very much pleased with the outcome. And with the figures and reviews, need I say more? Is it better than Harry Potter? I can’t pinpoint which is better because for one, Harry Potter is entirely a different world from Twilight. The entireties of their themes are poles apart, so I could not precisely tell. Were it transpired that they were generic, I could. Did it meet my expectations? Yes. Zero disappointment. Again, I’ve never seen an adaptation as precise as Twilight. What’s my verdict? I won’t back out with my word, but here’s another one that might keep you up at night (especially if you haven’t seen it yet): SPECTACULAR. So what’re you waiting for? Watch now!

I’ve waited long enough to see this movie, and now that I’ve seen it it leaves me wanting for more. I have to go through the agony again, as I anticipate for New Moon. It’ll be worth it.

Nov 19, 2008

the undomestic goddess

Samantha Sweeting is not just a lawyer, but is the highest law degree of her year and the youngest ever partner at Carter Spink --- top law firm in all of Europe and the world. Yet, amidst her top city job and genius, she feels the pressure churning her life. Making her more stressful than ever; she falls out of balance and makes the biggest mistake of her career. Samantha escapes and later finds herself employed as a housekeeper. She learns things she never knew before --- laundry, cooking, dusting; she is taught to be domestic. The twist unfolds when she figures that she has been wronged by the person she trusted the most back at Carter Spink. Samantha clears her name and succeeds in doing so. Now, her firm is offering her the glory of her job back. Will she assume her dream job and experience its strains all over again, or will she make a detour in her mapped-out life? Samantha decides.

I’ve been Samantha in all the four years of my college life. I thrived in pressure. Aside from my studies, I was burdened with nail-biting extracurricular activities. And believe me when I say they were not just simple ones. They weren’t; really. To summarize the greater scheme of things, I never did enjoy my college days as a student. Instead of hanging out with friends on study-free weekends, I worked late nights to finish presentations, papers, and the like. On weekdays, I’d juggle class hours with other things-to-do and attend class with no more than 3 hours of sleep. On holidays, my mind was glued to my other responsibilities, afraid underachievement will slap me in the face in front of my superiors. Workaholic as I normally am, I progressed further than just an octave and became a nerve-wrack. My classmates would constantly tell me to get a life or give myself a break. I was Samantha, personified; only her in the early parts of the book that is. What with my Type A personality, the day I thought I’d never live to see arrived in a whiplash; and so it came, I blew way out of proportion. Right before graduation, I snapped; and my person was ricocheting revenge at me, demanding the one thing I never gave time for: rest. I realized I was detached from who I am; I have lost my self along the way in those four years. After my board exam, I permitted myself to slack. I owed it to my self.

It will be almost a year now since my coming-apart. Along the way, I have learned, unlearned and relearned. I taught myself the value of things that I once took for granted. I am healing and picking up the broken pieces of the mirror that used to reflect who I am. I admit, I’m still a little confused at the moment, but at least I am catching sight of a blur rather than total darkness. At best, there’s a fogged road and it is much better than the wilderness. I see something and it is highly preferable than nothingness itself. There is, finally, direction.

Nov 17, 2008


my aunt is getting married. at last.

yesterday morning, she sent me a text message informing that i would be her wedding coordinator of sorts. i was relieved; i was exultant. i needed the excuse not to be in a gown of any kind on the day of. perfect, i thought.

i was never the frou-frou girl, and i never will be. the thought of a clothing, designed to suit women on rare formal occasions, where from top to bottom everything is tailored to accentuate assets, makes me flinch --- shudder, was the appropriate word. plus, the very act of presenting myself in it, while holes are being bored everywhere in my body as a signficant number of family and friends would stare, glare and appraise me is something i do not take delight in. in as much as i do not like gowns and all that's in its genre, i do not like attention too. it makes me uncomfortable. i'd much rather get lost in the crowd and blend in the herd than have the surrounding be aware of my presence. the spotlight is not in my list of things-to-achieve. to quote princess mia in the princess diaries 1, "my only mission in life is to be invisible, and i am good at it". more or less it can be applied to me. the only pitfall is the known fact that i am not the very graceful of people that when i commit a blunder--- no matter how minute it is, i always make heads turn. people notice me in my awkward moments --- not really something i aspire for. so in that manner, i'm not good at being invisible. but i am not a klutz, just so the thought runs that beautiful head of yours. truth be told, some strange glitch in my head has made me absurdly phobic to gowns and attention --- something most people crave for.

so anyway, i was happy and content to be a spectator on my aunt's wedding. or so i thought.

a few minutes after my rejoice, i recieved yet another message --- i was also going to be her maid of honor! horror washed through me as i tried to ingest the news. the awful truth dawned on me slowly, creeping from spine to skull. i was mortified. i could be a reader, i could offer gifts, or attach the veil or cord; of all the parts i could fall into, the most embarassing role came to me: maid of honor. how could she do this to me? i wanted to cry in disbelief and utter disappointment.

but despite all my emotions, i did not throw a fit. this was my aunt's wedding; something very important, especially to her. the least i can do to make her big day perfect, after all she has done for me, is to accept the part. i could not make any excuse or alibi; i could not fake an illness or injury on the day of, it would be very cruel of me. blackly, i accepted to be her maid of honor.

until now, i could not wrap my head around the vision of me in a gown, walking in a long aisle alone, in the most humiliating wedding role i could think of. follow me as i submit myself to a nightmarish event. the best i can do is to cross my fingers, and i am.

Nov 14, 2008

laugh out loud

what a day.


this morning, i got loida, eric, my sister and i tickets to our highly anticipated, beloved movie, twilight, which will hit philippine theaters on november 26th. it's still a week before the day of and already we are bouncy --- loida and i, that is. we all but screamed and squealed in excitement while eating our dinner, when we realized that it's only a few days away. you know, our reactions are but normal, as means of channeling our excitement go, since we are regressing to our tween years. it's kinda fun, actually.

eric at his finest comedy

for some reason, loida and i laughed very hard at eric's protruding belly while he was talking to a relative of his this evening. we found the sight super duper hilarious. lucky eric was in a very good mood and he never got pissed, even when all the laughing and giggling brought tears to our eyes.

the three of us were still in the middle of finishing our three-scoop ice cream delight when eric decided to go inside the girbaud boutique. loida and i stayed outside, afraid that we might be shooed from the store --- since we were still eating --- which would really be embarassing. eric braved to go inside, with his ice cream. he was in the middle of the store, looking at items displayed on a table. he picked up one, and gestured for loida to come in. she was about to go inside, when a man approached eric and made him go out. eating not allowed. eric's facial expression --- his entire reaction --- was really very funny that we started to laugh again. we laughed our hearts out, and people would stare, glare at us as if we had some kind of mental illness. eric was unintentionally satirical tonight.

all in all, a good day.

thank you eric for the laughter.

Nov 5, 2008

obama's speech

this is a transcription of obama's victory speech. i got this from

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our Founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. (Cheers, applause.)

It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled — (cheers) — Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states; we are and always will be the United States of America. (Cheers, applause.)

It’s the answer that — that led those who’ve been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day. It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America. (Cheers, applause.)

A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Senator McCain. (Cheers, applause.) Senator McCain fought long and hard in this campaign, and he’s fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. (Applause.)

I congratulate him, I congratulate Governor Palin for all they’ve achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation’s promise in the months ahead. (Cheers, applause.)

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton, and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden. (Cheers, applause.)

And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years, the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation’s next first lady, Michelle Obama. (Cheers, applause.)

Sasha and Malia, I love you both more than you can imagine, and you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the White House. (Cheers, applause.)

And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my sister Maya, my sister Auma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you’ve given to me. I am grateful to them. (Cheers, applause.)

And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe — (cheers, applause) — the unsung hero of this campaign who built the best — (cheers) — the best political campaign I think in the history of the United States of America — (cheers, applause) — to my chief strategist, David Axelrod — (cheers, applause) — who has been a partner with me every step of the way, to the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics — (cheers) — you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done. (Cheers, applause.)

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. (Cheers, applause.) It belongs to you. (Cheers.)

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington; it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause. (Cheers, applause.)

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy — (cheers) — who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep. It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from the Earth. This is your victory. (Cheers, applause.)

Now, I know you didn’t do this just to win an election, and I know you didn’t do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime: two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage or pay their doctors’ bills or save enough for their child’s college education.

There’s new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term, but America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you: We as a people will get there. (Cheers, applause.)

MR. OBAMA: There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as president, and we know the government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it’s been done in America for 221 years — block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek; it is only the chance for us to make that change.

And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It can’t happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice. So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other.

Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers. In this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let’s resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let’s remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House — a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity. Those are values we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. (Cheers, applause.)

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends — though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your president too. (Cheers, applause.)

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. (Cheers, applause.)

To those — to those who would tear the world down: we will defeat you. (Cheers, applause.) To those who seek peace and security: we support you. (Cheers, applause.)

And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright: tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals — democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope. (Cheers, applause.)

That’s the true genius of America, that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight’s about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She is a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election, except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old. (Cheers, applause.)

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons, because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin. And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America: the heartache and the hope, the struggle and the progress, the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed, yes we can.

At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.
When there was despair in the Dust Bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

MR. OBAMA: When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

MR. OBAMA: She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that “We shall overcome.” Yes we can.

MR. OBAMA: A man touched down on the Moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes, we can.

MR. OBAMA: America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there’s so much more to do. So tonight let us ask ourselves, if our children should live to see the next century, if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time — to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope; and where we are met with cynicism and doubt and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

MR. OBAMA: Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America. (Cheers, applause.)

Nov 4, 2008

celebrate nov 4th

yeyyy!!! it's victory for Barack and Michelle Obama, and their kids Sasha and Malea; the Democrats, Obama supporters, civil rights activists, and the united states of america. the world's strongest nation has never seen this kind of triumph since the 1960s, and this, by far, has been the most exciting, mind-stimulating, and biggest presidential campaign i have witnessed not only in the us but the world. i am proud that my bet, obama and joe biden, have won the elections. i congratulate senator mccain and governor palin for a job well done in facing the campaign and the elections fair and square.

i hope that filipino politicians will be as humble as the senator and governor in accepting defeat. that instead of denial and leading rallies, they will come up and give their support to the people whom the mass population have chosen. that instead of accusing their contenders of cheating, they will extend a hand and help shape the country's success and change.

president elect barack obama - the first black american president, harvard graduate, editor-in-chief, son of immigrants, of kenyan descent, senator for only one term --- brought himself to the white house, no connections, not that much money to start with --- now that, right there, is one heck of a clean glorious victory.

change we can believe in, change we need.

i am very proud and honored, at a young age having witnessed this historic and momentous event.

Oct 24, 2008

FAMAS awards

cutely enough, just last night, i found out that FAMAS, in FAMAS awards actually stands for Filipino Academy of Movie Arts and Sciences. hah. i used to think it was some kind of infamous international movie award-giving body. hahahaha. very unfortunately, i am not into fiipino movies, hence the crime of ignorance for what a FAMAS award is. hahahaha.

last night, while doing a little research on my homework topics, i saw this local magazine lying around my cousin's pad --- we're next door neighbors, by the way. i picked it up for a bit of skim reading. there, i read about the FAMAS awards. it did me good. not only was i dispelled from the honest mistake of ignorance, my funny bone was tickled. can you imagine, all the while, i really thought it was this not-really-huge movie award and filipinos get shots of luck winning it? for a moment, i sat there, laughing at myself. it was a relief to be out of the hysterics my homeworks gave me.

Oct 22, 2008

sighs and bday wishes

i have changed my giddy fan girl twilight multiply lay-out because i saw this cool lay-out and felt like i needed the change. chillax.

i am stuck here, trying to finish all the modules and requirements for my masters so that i can catch the deadline, and finally be able to go home. my siblings have gone yesterday and i am left all alone in the empty pad *sigh*, hoping against hope that i can finish everything within the scant amount of time given by my professors. no pressure, *sigh*. i have switched my major to administration, aspiring to rise the ranks --- another sigh. my father suggested that after i finish the said major, i will pursue the major that i was supposed to take. so, it's a double major. jeez. most of the time i think it's madness. my lungs are almost out of air with everything i am doing now, how much more when i take another major? or maybe it's just a miserable case of sheer laziness overtaking, that i am having constant arrythmias and dyspnea when the thought 'requirements for masters' crosses my mind. one more trimester to go and i'll be done hopefully by may next year. thesis --- of course, i have to comply everything in time for graduation. unequivocally, i do not have any excuse not to get things done. i am, clearly, unemployed.

part of the deal my parents and i had is that i take up a doctoral degree after i finish my masters. whew. a hefty list. i have no other options; i can't do my thing if i don't stick with the compromise. luckily, i am flawlessly --- okay, not really flawless --- fulfilling my side of the bargain. i just wish that my parents will, too. good luck to me on that one.

the second trimester will be over soon and i am morosely anticipating for the craziness of thesis-making.

my mind is swimming in the large pool of management and organizational development, hence the very scattered write-up.

i want to wish my brother, NEAL, a very happy birthday!
also to my friend, ERIC!

Oct 21, 2008

happee birthday!

i have transferred my twilight final trailer at the bottom of the page, as it consumes a whole lot of space when placed under the widget, thus making everything look cluttered. okay, so everything in my page looks a little messy with all twilight thingys. but the movie will be out soon, so eventually they will be removed.

a happy birthday to my one and only brother --- by blood, of course --- NEAL!!!
actually, his birthday will be tomorrow...advance nalang. just in case i won't be online.

Oct 9, 2008

up to

good morning everyone!!!

yes! i am in a very good mood today. first, because of the final twilight trailer --- can you believe it? it has basically made up my day. second, semestral break is near. which means that i can go home and take a short vaca of sorts. and third, i am euphoric, yet again for some unknown reason.

my twilight widget will stay where it is, though it is consuming a lot of space, until the movie releases. i am soooo excited for november 21st. yayyyy!!!

i am up to several write-ups at the moment. most of which, i am going for 2000 words. i will post some of them, as promised, when i am finally able to tie-up the loose ends and polish everything. of course, you shouldn't get your hopes up; after all, i am but an amateur writer --- sans any formal education on creative writing. though i have been in a publication, it doesn't erase the fact that i still need to learn more about the field, let alone practice. in any case, i will share my thoughts.

the witch of portobello, another masterpiece of author paulo coelho, is on top of my reading list right now. if not for the constant reminder that i have tons of work to do for my masters, i wouldn't set the book down. even at the start, already it is mesmerizing. my reading list also includes the incomplete and unpublished work of my favorite author, stephenie meyer, midnight sun. since the leak of its partial draft, stephenie has put the writing of the book on hold. and i understand how she feels. her rights as an author, even as a human being, was violated. it's no joke to write a book. however, she posted the partial draft on her website for all her fans to read. to no surprise, i downloaded the file for me to conveniently read and reread. my growing shabby collection of books includes all the books of the twilight saga, and midnight sun is unequivocally part of it. i've reread all of her books for nth times already and still, i get the same shot of thrill and excitement just like the first time i read them. i don't know what magic stephenie has, i just don't get tired with rereading all of her works.

my best friend and i are planning to purchase sure seats on the movie's (twilight)release date. it's gonna bite our pockets, but nevertheless, it is worth every penny. it's my happiness --- in every sense of the phrase --- here i go again with the unrealistic dreaming, ha ha! wish us luck because i am hoping against hope that lady luck will be standing side by side with us on the week of.

Oct 1, 2008

missin' aira

aira's in california right now. i'm starting to miss her already.

we've been friends since God knows when. i consider her one of my confidants, one of the very few i trust. we had the same 'carpool' --- i'm sorry, i don't know the appropriate term to use --- from grade school until high school. there are so many things i'd like to write about her, about our friendship, and of course, our barkada. but it seems i am not in the mood to write about these things for now. my thoughts are flying, and the atmosphere is not catering my writing drive well. let's leave it at that.

however, i will post some of my pre-meditated write-ups and epiphanies here soon. until then.

Sep 27, 2008


i will be back for the rest of the world to see, soon.

month after long month, i have succumbed in what was left of the misery and depression i felt. i have allowed myself to walk in a dead sleep, lost in the pitch-black darkness summoned from my own personal hell. and though it may seem that i do not care about what had happened in the recent past, though i talk about the events with a smile, i still feel a little ache inside the hollow part where my heart once was. though i act as if nothing happened, as if it were some joke that failed to shatter me, still, i feel as if the chains of the past keep pulling me back ... haunting me. i have been in a coma long enough for everyone around to anchor me to the word 'dead'.

yesterday, i woke up feeling a little alive, for the first time in a very, very long while. i felt the energy i used to have, i felt the old me resurfacing from the lonely abyss. then it came to me: that i will be whole again; very, very soon. not in any way again will i allow anyone to step on every ounce of who and what i am. no one will have any ticket to mistreat and give me grave threats again, no, i will not allow it. and, yes, not ever again will i keep everything in the recesses of my silence. my old self was strong but i will be stronger.

Sep 10, 2008


This week, I have been collectively the optimist and pessimist that I am. Both extremes intermittently shifting as self-pity and self-motivation continue in their turmoil of combat. With the scruple of scratch I have to content myself to start my ‘career’ with, surely, I’m still searching for what I love and want to do. At the same time, torn in between what I want and what I have to do. Things have been half and half; tossing and spinning inside my head, always changing, never halting to a stop even for a second, and thus confusing me even more.

Two days before yesterday, my siblings and I went shopping. I bought a world map, where I scrawled purple little stars on the places I want to go. And then, it transpired: kids who are able to spend vacations and travel abroad should consider themselves fortunate, even if it’s just Hong Kong or Thailand. So much so, those who have even more --- kids who get to choose whatever degree they wish to have at Ivy Leagues, or at other prime colleges/universities --- ought to be a million times more thankful than “just lucky” kids like, sporadically, myself. Not that I am ungrateful nor do not consider myself blessed, it’s just that, some who belong under the “very lucky” category are completely blinded to realize how well-heeled they are --- hardly fair, okay, downright unfair. Let’s face it, mostly all of these brats show their appreciation by dropping out of college and waste the perfect opportunity of a refined education.

Let’s make room for more gloom, shall we? Dreams can only take you so far, because most of the time, you can’t go anywhere if you do not have the money for it. Since then, I’ve been longing to travel and see the world; learn more, as I’ve been shuddering to the fact of what little I know. I dream to become a writer and a doctor. But with my circumstance --- a handful of familial obligations hovering like a thick haze in my head --- even having to zero in on one seems quite impossible. Tell me, how can I fulfill such responsibilities if I follow my dream of getting a degree in English (majoring in either creative writing or English literature) at, say, Brown or Cornell? Let alone a degree in Medicine at Johns Hopkins? Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward to the next five years of my life, of course, with half of things done my way, the other half by sheer luck. I grow near to twenty-three every stinking day, and in my own timeline, what, I’ll be in the US by that age already. I’m young and I want to enjoy every bit of this limited youth. I know I can do so much, and I really don’t want to waste my time in this country. I see a much broader horizon outside the Philippines; more learning opportunities and experiences. Sometimes, it just pays to be immortal; call it a morbid sense of humor, but really, think of all the time one can have to grab every star he/she has since laid eyes on. I allowed myself to succumb in what misery I felt that day.

Well, today is much lighter. The confusion simmered down just a teensy bit, and I am able to do a lot of thinking. Strategies and plans, with what to do with my life while I am still rooted in this totally generic place I call my country, eager to flee the soonest possible. So anyway, for today, I am concentrating on: “It does not do good to dwell on dreams”, Professor Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

Sep 5, 2008

love letter

Dear God,

I know I don’t quite deserve everything that I am enjoying. With all my mistakes, lack (lack, not absence) of modesty, goodness, and yes, purity, You continue to bless me unceasingly. And truth be told, most of the time, I am ashamed of myself when I ask little favors of You, what with my shortcomings. With this, I am again swallowing my pride.

Every girl dreams of a fairytale. And I am one of them, who yearn to fall head over heels with someone worth every ounce of who and what I am. You have watched me as time and again I fall in and out of love. You are my number one witness, and I reckon You have rocked in laughter for the many, many times I have acted like a fool soldier. Though I am still 21, it came to me that the time has arrived that I start requesting of the bliss fairytales bring.

So anyway, yes, I want a man who will sweep me off my feet. My perfect guy would obviously be either like Fitzwilliam Darcy, Edward Cullen, or Andrew Jacoby. But I have made both ends of reality and fantasy meet, hence all of the primary pieces would be: intelligence, decency, sense of humor, acceptable body, cute face, and any sort of job that would fall under the generous umbrella of “normal” --- of course, something that can afford a very good way of living if he and I are to marry. And God, the extra icing on the cake would be … Brit accent, hehehe. But you know I can live with or without that spare helping.

That will be all, well, for now. I am fully aware that in Your time, You will provide me of what is best. Though please be warned, that, I will shamelessly continue to pray for this. Please do not get irritated with my persistence. Thank you very much.



Sep 3, 2008

time to face

After a two-hour trip, I am finally in the city. I have walked the urban soil all but 5 hours and already I am missing home. Jeez. At this point, I pine for the comforting familiarity, that for the past week, I have absurdly referred to as redundantly repulsive. What a shame.

Tomorrow, I will have to try to start my day early. There’s just so much to do: go to school and have myself registered for the 2nd trimester (not to mention the horrendous process I will have to submit to), have my finger and toe nails cleaned and polished, get my eyebrows neatly plucked, drop soiled clothes to the laundry shop, buy gift for Craig’s 1st birthday, buy Daniel’s white polo (for school), grab coffee with Loida and of course, surf the net --- marker of the day’s culmination. I will also need to remind myself of my resume waiting to be revised, and the impossibly long list of way overdue requirements I’ve yet to toil on. I have to work my ass off --- assiduously and conscientiously --- for the numerous loopholes I have left the past month. There is no disavowing of my urgency to cut off the slack. With this, comes another reminder, that I get a grip on myself just in case I lose control (again). Ah, the inevitability of irresponsibility, creeping every so often from the insides of my striving-to-be-mature persona. Try as I may, still I am subjected to such state of affairs.

Sep 2, 2008


I have been wandering in this strange place I call my home for a week now. Have I grown tired of this place that I can’t seem to find anything fun to fill every minute of my stay? I practically grew up here, yes; but now, it seems as if the tedium was something I never got used to. All this reaction, I particularly blame the city.

I have lived my entire college life in the big city away from my familiar home; I’ve adjusted pretty well, and I’ve learned how to live the city life. Although back then, I was practically contented with the available resources here and found small-town fun well … fun, the city has changed a truckload of my views on existence. In the city, there’s just so much to see, places to go, things to do, and experiences to be on familiar terms with. Whenever boredom would strike, you can go have coffee with friends, watch a movie, shop, or just escape to a good place to unwind. Again, there’s just so much to do; the metropolis is alive 24/7, so you never really run out of stuff to go through in a day to day basis. My fondness of urban living: when your list ends, you just step outside and discover that you’ve already made mental notes on what you’re going to carry out next. Although dwelling the urban fashion, I am not in any way like women you see losing themselves at parties --- you get the picture. Even the verve of the metropolis cannot prevent me from holing up in my crib, either reading a good book, gathering thoughts to write or watching DVDs. On the other side, it is but natural for someone who grew up in a small town to come looking for that small-town experience over and over in his/her lifetime. Even with the impossible monotonous life little towns give, if it is home, there is no denying that one will forever yearn for the comfort it brings. Even with all the amenities claiming to give relaxation that the metropolis offers, nothing can beat this true aspect of a humble abode. What I truly love about home is the fact that, it has the precise effect of a getaway from all the madness the city gives. It does not fail to placate a weary soul. Hence, my frequent visits.

I have had my fill of both urban and provincial lives. And even with this, I have not had enough of my frequent shifts between the two. This is the core explanation as to why my week-long stay here, though seemingly forever, leads me to missing the metropolitan existence and the same goes the other way around. I can’t live without the other. Although double standards are not really my type, this one --- if classified as --- would be an exception.

Aug 23, 2008

the month of august

this month has been a rollercoaster ride for me. i have allowed my self to succumb into a truckload of thoughts, and yes, i have put them into writing. you will read about some these "thoughts" soon, only this time, i have tried to edit my write-ups the best way i can. so you can expect them just a little superior than my previous posts, which are not polished --- all but raw, fresh from my mind sans the editing.

powerbooks is having a sale this month. and this is the reason why i'm running a bit short on dough at the moment. i lost control upon seeing the piles of books, old and new titles, prices of which are marked down. reality hit me when i opened my wallet and foresaw that it was about to be badly scratched --- i knew i had to narrow down on what to buy. so i settled with five titles. it made me sad, having to leave all my other choices unpurchased. i'll have to return for them, soon. i can wait.


Aug 5, 2008

breaking dawn at last

yes! i am done with the saga. i couldn't say more.
now i want to join stephenie's vampire empire. ha, ha!

hands down to stephenie meyer!!!

thank you powerbooks!!!

Jul 31, 2008

waah!!! breaking dawn spoiler

now, now, i went a little berserk upon reading's articles about stephenies meyer's upcoming breaking dawn. before you flip and break into a celebration dance, please consider reading the articles to the very last word. also remember to stay calm.

i hope you clap at every jolly word the way i did --- the 20-year-old-teenager-wannabe. here you go:

Stephenie Meyer's 'Breaking Dawn': Exclusive Preview
By Karen Valby

With the understanding that this spoiler will send the blogosphere into either a tizzy of celebration or outrage, hereby reveals a major plot point from Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn, the fourth and final installment to her Twilight series. And no, the forthcoming information is not from a fever dream or a filched copy of the book found in the dusty stock room of a Barnes & Noble. This exclusive spoiler comes straight from Meyer herself, with her explicit go-ahead to share with her fans.

Team Jacob, you staged a valiant effort, urging Bella to choose her faithful, strangely muscular friend instead of her sexy, hairless vampire. But Meyer, clapping her hands and bobbing on her toes, reveals that she had the great fun of writing Bella and Edward's wedding scene. ''And it's not a dream sequence!'' Meyer promises with a laugh. ''It's the actual wedding between Edward and Bella. The wedding! I'm a girly girl so it's something I've been waiting for too.'' Before anyone throws their computer out their bedroom window, screaming that the surprise of the summer has now been ruined for them, Meyer promises that the wedding takes place early on in Breaking Dawn. Trust that unexpected thrills still await.

While we're on a roll, here's another surprise for you: Meyer says she wrote Bella and Edward's wedding scene years ago, initially planning for the young couple to tie the knot shortly after the end of Twilight. Her editor at the time balked that those crazy kids were too young to walk down the aisle, and Meyer, who herself was married and already raising her first son by the age of 23, shelved their eternal bond for a later date.

For those heartbroken that their heroine apparently picks Edward over Jacob, take comfort in the simple fact that Breaking Dawn exists. Meyer says she fought long and hard before her publisher agreed to a fourth book in the series. Little, Brown for Young Readers originally paid the author $750,000 for a three-book deal. Before Twilight had even hit the shelves, Meyer realized there was no way she could wrap up the characters' storylines in three books. But her publisher was nervous about shelling out another chunk of change for an unproven author. ''My books weren't out yet,'' she says. ''Nobody cared about me. I was just this little author they were taking a chance on.'' Eventually, Meyer prevailed, selling the fourth book for $400,000. Lucky Little, Brown. Breaking Dawn is expected to go down as the biggest book of the summer. Everybody wins. Even Team Jacob.

Hi, readers,

I'm so excited about the August 2 release of Breaking Dawn — I can't wait to finally be able to discuss everything that happens! No more secrets! To help whet your appetite, Entertainment Weekly has an exclusive sneak peak of the first chapter of Breaking Dawn. The entire first chapter is available in the Eclipse Special Edition, out tomorrow, which will also reveal the cover of Breaking Dawn and have Team Edward and Team Jacob iron-on decals. Here it is, I hope you enjoy!

Stephenie Meyer


NO ONE IS STARING AT YOU, I promised myself. No one is staring at you. No one is staring at you.

But, because I couldn't lie convincingly even to myself, I had to check.

As I sat waiting for one of the three traffic lights in town to turn green, I peeked to the right — in her minivan, Mrs. Weber had turned her whole torso in my direction. Her eyes bored into mine, and I flinched back, wondering why she didn't drop her gaze or look ashamed. It was still considered rude to stare at people, wasn't it? Didn't that apply to me anymore?

Then I remembered that these windows were so darkly tinted that she probably had no idea if it was even me in here, let alone that I'd caught her looking. I tried to take some comfort in the fact that she wasn't really staring at me, just the car.

My car. Sigh.

I glanced to the left and groaned. Two pedestrians were frozen on the sidewalk, missing their chance to cross as they stared. Behind them, Mr. Marshall was gawking through the plate glass window of his little souvenir shop. At least he didn't have his nose pressed up against the glass. Yet.

The light turned green and, in my hurry to escape, I stomped on the gas pedal without thinking — the normal way I would have punched it to get my ancient Chevy truck moving.

Engine snarling like a hunting panther, the car jolted forward so fast that my body slammed into the black leather seat and my stomach flattened against my spine.

''Arg!'' I gasped as I fumbled for the brake. Keeping my head, I merely tapped the pedal. The car lurched to an absolute standstill anyway.

I couldn't bear to look around at the reaction. If there had been any doubt as to who was driving this car before, it was gone now. With the toe of my shoe, I gently nudged the gas pedal down one half millimeter, and the car shot forward again.

I managed to reach my goal, the gas station. If I hadn't been running on vapors, I wouldn't have come into town at all. I was going without a lot of things these days, like Pop-Tarts and shoelaces, to avoid spending time in public.

Moving as if I were in a race, I got the hatch open, the cap off, the card scanned, and the nozzle in the tank within seconds. Of course, there was nothing I could do to make the numbers on the gauge pick up the pace. They ticked by sluggishly, almost as if they were doing it just to annoy me.

It wasn't bright out — a typically drizzly day in Forks, Washington — but I still felt like a spotlight was trained on me, drawing attention to the delicate ring on my left hand. At times like this, sensing the eyes on my back, it felt as if the ring were pulsing like a neon sign: Look at me, look at me.

It was stupid to be so self-conscious, and I knew that. Besides my dad and mom, did it really matter what people were saying about my engagement? About my new car? About my mysterious acceptance into an Ivy League college? About the shiny black credit card that felt red-hot in my back pocket right now?

''Yeah, who cares what they think,'' I muttered under my breath.

(c) 2008 by Stephenie Meyer, reprinted with permission from the Eclipse Special Edition published by Little, Brown and Company.

Jul 29, 2008

twilight the movie

here are selected movie clips, trailers from the upcoming twilight movie that i have compiled thanks to youtube. enjoy as you ogle...

Jul 28, 2008

sundays at tiffany's

sundays at tiffany's by james patterson is the book i just finished reading after stephenie meyer's the host.

when jane and michael decided to hit nantucket, there's something jane said to herself:

"chicken jane again. fantasy is better than reality."

i think we can all attest to what she said. let's be true to ourselves and admit that sometimes, most of the time, people'd rather wallow in a fantasy world than face reality. and i think this is because the real world gives us all the good reasons to cry and be in pain.

at the near end of the story, jane said something about the subject of miracles. i'd like to share what she said:

"just beacuse life is hard, and always ends in a bad way, doesn't mean that all stories have to, even if that's what they tell us in school and in the new york times book review. in fact, it's a good thing that stories are as different as we are, one from another."

in as much as reality gives us all the reasons to be in pain, it also gives us all more than enough reasons to be and stay happy. and for our stories to end as happily as we want it to be, we have to make it happen. my best friend once told me, "destiny is only for losers --- it's just a lame excuse for letting things happen to you instead of making them happen."

Jul 27, 2008


two words. bum again. can someone please tell me what exactly am i going to do with my life at the moment? i want to do something productive, something aside from reading, writing and very often visits to the bookstore. maybe i'll figure that one out soon.

things are finally slowly falling into place lately. me passing the board exam, finding all the books i want to purchase, viewing every twilight movie clip i can find in youtube, making plans for my future as i am already licensed to practice my profession. i have worries though. one, and the very least of my worries, the sloppy report i had this afternoon. and two, the 4th of august, the release of breaking dawn.

i've already signed for reservation along with 250 people that day. and that's what's worrying me. the numbers. i'm the 249th. 250 and counting is for me, far far to much a complication --- chaos. it's not that i'd rather be the lone fan. it is good to know that i'm not the only one running a little obsessed. so much so, a relief that there are millions of us loving twilight saga, stephenie meyer, the movie as well as the actors/actresses playing the roles. it's a first come, first serve basis and because of the numbers, the likelihood that i may not get the book on the said date is scaring me.

already i'm planning for the strategy i might and most likely will use, silly as i may sound. here's the sitch. since it's a monday --- a school day, work day for the working fans --- the bookstore may not be as full and chaotic as i envisioned it to be. however, i'm not playing my chances on this one. i'll be up there on the very hour the store opens. i will grab the book sans using the reservation, if it's the only way i can secure my copy the soonest possible time. you know, even with the reservation, sometimes you can't get your copy as early as the day of release. reservation is not a guarantee. as i've said, i've been running a little obsessed. clearly the plan gives you the idea of my definition of "little" obsessed. i'm not one of those rabid annoying teenage fans though. i'm a little mature for that of course.

other plans. i'm considering going abroad to work, given the chances and opportunities i have found, may find. i'm going to travel, on my own, while i'm young. of course i'll work here for some time. but i figured, not here, not just the place i see myself in the long run. i am also taking into account getting a second degree. college again, there, not here. a degree in enlgish literature. that doesn't sound so bad, not a bad idea. i still want to be a doctor, it's just that it's pretty impossible for me to attend med school. to be a good writer is next in line. hence to enroll in english lit would do just the exact job, for me, since it involves books and oodles of writing. sounds fun. i'm smiling at the thought already.

by the way, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend JEM LAWRENCE!!! i love you. god bless.

Jul 25, 2008

i passed the board exam!!!

my name. right there.


special congratulations to:

jem gabutin, ralph "elle" balcita, marco "coi" maglinte, alfie "ping" obispo
neil dela cruz, dean cuenca, sabina rafales, jhona bulanon, mark "shadow" manubag
melvin balid, charles flores, nicole acriche, gian sinda, kaiser tan, debbie fuentes
jane romanos, carlson bangcat, ed alburo, irene cedano, sherry serdoncillo, sheika daffon
sherwin echavez,
nelson udtujan, jr, reymar sinangote, matt gallego, kirby calleja, ate wil juntilla
mariel paquibot, aisa zwara sitjar, christian "ness-ness" navales, leonard campoto
liz villamor, jk cinco, marz duhaylungsod, kuya charles lim, jr, gayle otic, mark amoroto, irish ornopia

and to all june 08 nle passers ... nurses ... congratulations!!!
we did it!!!

God be glorified...

Jul 23, 2008


i have managed to let today pass as less sullen as i can. i had lunch with jem, a relief. i spent my afternoon in the library, scanning books and photocopying what i need to get my report kicking as i start tonight. i have also managed to read my new book, the host, by my favorite author, stephenie meyer.

yet as the sunset started to creep signaling the day's close, a little bit of sun-downing washed me leaving more room for the gloom. not that i have depression --- don't get me wrong. i thought maybe i'm more absurd or melodramatic --- either --- that i have given myself credit for.

in my 20 years of existence, i have read books of great and timeless love stories. the stories of romeo and juliet, of elizabeth bennet and fitzwilliam darcy, of catherine and heathcliff. and of course, my favorite modern pair, edward cullen and bella swan. i am always left in awe every time i finish rereading their stories from my shabby collection of books.

i am such in awe that most of the time i absurdly forget love's reality. i am not blaming the books, for crying out loud. it's just that my incandescence mixed with utopia leaves me in a haze, blocking my eyes from seeing that although a girl can have a whirlwind romance like that of the great lovers in fiction, not every girl can. i believe this side of my self-debate is made clear.

the 'fantasy' of getting me a whirlwind love stoy is poignant. as creepy as it sounds, this 'fantasy' has made me a little disappointed. but, i am awakened to reality, which is all the more pleasant. i am sheepishly accepting the fact that i have allowed this daydreaming of mine wash away the beautiful day that could have been today, and yes, a few days this week.

this is the morale of the story. timeless, prieless love stories should only serve as an inspiration, so much so that we can dream, but not to the point of deluding ourselves. although i am not accustomed to writing about my love life, as i find it hokey, i realized that there's that and a very important me i need to take care of. my delusions almost led me to break what i built because the daydreaming side of me threw a hissy fit that my story should be like ms. bennet's. downright unfair. i got so hooked with my daydream that i forgot that real-life love stories need to be worked on. it is healthy to fantasize and dream, only make sure that it doesn't become the reason of fights just because you don't get what you want as what your fantasy dictated. it is absolutely and incredulously unjust to have your self trapped in your own little bubble of fantasies and dreams.

tonight, i did nothing but search for video scenes of how the twilight movie is going, as expected, thanks to the internet i am triumphant. the twilight saga by stephenie meyer is on its steps on becoming a major motion picture. i am enthralled to see it materialize as i have been running a little obsessed since i read the first book of the saga. this is something i thank my sister for. it was her who introduced me to twilight's existence. and since then, lo and behold, the voracious reader comes again to life.

Jul 19, 2008


i am a known oc (obsessive compulsive), someone with a type a personality. i have accepted that fact back when i was still in high school. there are downsides of my being an oc that somehow, sometimes become an advantage.

when i am hooked to something, i stop only when i become slightly ashamed of what i am doing to myself. a good example is when i am reading a book. i don't drop the book until i realize that i have to eat because i haven't eaten the whole day, when i have class the next morning and i badly need to be prepared for the day and when i have exams to study for because i need to keep up with my grades. that may be the down side. the good side is when there are projects i need to make --- i don't stop until i'm done, hence i get things done in no time. when i have work to do, every detail of what i'm doing i'm obsessed about. i feel the need for it to be perfect, hence as much as possible i avoid cramming. but when i do cram, i still see to it that i get to every detail though not as thorough.

so much for that, here are the handful of things i'm obsessed about:

books. i'm a bookworm, a voracious reader, that's why i pay a visit to the bookstore at least once a week. i finish reading books in no time. when i have nothing to do, i can finish a book as thin as a paulo coelho in a day, as thick as a stephenie meyer in two days. you can imagine me as someone throwing tantrums, badly wanting the vacant job in a bookstore just so she can be the first one to have a copy of the new releases, a soon-to-be best seller, a potential nobel prize winner --- something like that. or better, a bookshelf that grew arms, legs and a face.

movies. especially the ones that go "from the best selling book ..." blah blah in whatever proper manner you say that. this is for one reason i have yet to figure out, but i have two theories. one is my love for books, and second is the curiosity i get on how film makers interpret the grandiosity pictured (especially if the book revolves around a magical world, mythical creatures, and the like) and how the actors/actresses potray the detailed description of every character in the book. i love criticizing how the movie turns out, seeing people rush to the bookshop to grab their own copy of the original --- a thought i think is quite stupid, i mean, why wait for the movie when you can get all the thrill from the book right? then again, not all are inclined to books that they don't know a must-read exists until they see the motion picture.

writing. i've always wanted to be a good writer, that's reason enough. i hope i'm improving, and i still look forward to improving.

adventures. the ones where i leave the place i know and go to a destination i don't. an impromptu decision to go somewhere unknown --- last minute decisions plus the adrenaline rush.

that's about it.

oh, and one more thing, i don't have ocd (obsessive compulsive disorder) in case you are about to think i have.

Jul 15, 2008


truth be told, when it comes to food you can't have just one favorite. i love good food and who doesn't?

one of the reasons why i love living in cebu is the cheap uberly mouthwatering selection of food. yes! at a hundred pesos you can have a full stomach, and when i say full it's really full. here are my top ten only-in-cebu favorites in random order:

1.) siomai at tisa, labangon.

2.) chicken with herbs and spices and chicken with chilli and garlic at vibes. undeniably delicious; located at the back of cocomall, just in front of cdu (old building) gym gate.

3.) barbecue at larsian's. yummy!

4.) chicharon at chilen's. chilen's is at pacaƱa, labangon however chicharon packs are sold at leading grocery stores.

5.) warm brownie cup at la marea's. la marea is now open at the walk, it park (new branch).

6.) mexican food at mooon cafe. located at guadalupe and now open at the walk.

7.) baby back ribs and death by chocolate at casa verde. suuuuper!

8.) fried kangkong at jo's chicken inato.

9.) crispy pata and bicol express at the golden cowrie. grabe, i can't get enough of these two dishes. the golden cowrie has banches at sm and ayala; by the way, unlimited rice sila kaya very sulit!

10.) fried bread and green mango shake at the grand majestic. the grand majestic is located at cebu grand convention center; the majestic has branches at sm and ayala. this is my dad's favorite chinese resto in town.

so there you have it! you might want to check out my top ten during your foodtripping in cebu.

i may have tasted several dishes of the same kind but according to my taste buds, nothing beats how cebu does it. and to satisfy your eyes, i will post pics very soon --- punta kayo dito and prove me right yourselves, hehehe.

Jul 14, 2008

dream on...

i was, am, and will be dreaming of becoming a doctor. but dreams only take you so far because you will not get anywhere if you do not have: (1) the money for it, and (2) the circumstance to do it aka "the right moment". sad but true. for those who are reading my previous posts, you will know why i am not in the right circumstance to go to med school. and obviously we don't have the money for it at the moment because after my siblings finish college my sister will proceed to law and my brother will proceed to med school. 'di rin pwede kasi if everyone in the family will proceed, no one will be left to help my cousins. and since i am the eldest, i am deemed and by no choice i will carry that obligation. that is why whenever i see med students and interns, i can't help but cry; whenever i think of this dream tears fall down, which explains why as i am writing this umiiyak ako.
i never thought a real-life teleserye scene would happen before my very
eyes. but look at me now, i am experiencing my share of a real-life teleserye scene.

thank you dr. house and scrubs team for making me dream and for making
me drift into a world where i am a doctor.

Jul 12, 2008

frustrated MD

my sister had fever and dysphagia so i brought her to the emergency room of sacred heart hospital, she was diagnosed with tonsilitis.

upon entering the er, i saw med interns and for the love of god my heart ached (again) and my eyes watery. i really want to become a doctor. i can't deny the fact that i'm hurting. sad.

wala nah...wala na talaga...i think i'm gonna cry.

text message

last night while eating dinner with my mom, i received a text message from my room mate during the in-house review. the text message said that gma has approved the request of the bon to release the results of the june '08 nle on august 24 (the original scheduled date of release is on july 20) to prevent the reapplication of 69.8% failed takers. it also stated that there are two people from the same school who got the first place topnotch slot, or something like that. i showed the message to my mom and we laughed. then, she told me that i need not believe it because it isn't true.

i found the text message stupid and that i can nail in two points: (1) does gma have to approve the date upon which the nle results will be released? as far as i know, gma has no authority and has nothing to do with the release of the nle results; and (2) why would they prevent the reapplication of failed takers? there is no law stating that failed takers are prevented from retaking the next board exam within the same year, what is their reason of preventing such action? (hhhmmmm, cloudy). then again, if this is really true, they (bon) would've scheduled an emergency meeting with adpcn regarding the situation at hand and my mom would know earlier before the stupid text message was circulated.

july 20 is only a few days from now, godspeed june 08 nle takers!

whatever the result is, may god be praised!

mom and her students

last night, my mom invited me to the place where she and her students are staying while having their exposure at the psychiatric ward here in cebu. it was their last night so they decided to have a small gathering --- food, mini program, etc. above you can see my mom and some of her students. she was so involved with the program especially when they decided to have karaoke; i think she got all her students to sing. but i didn't stay long, i went to her room because i decided to take a rest as i have been killing brain cells whole afternoon when i made my thesis chapter one first draft. and ayayayyy i never knew mom had cutie students hehehehe, my bestfriend texted me saying, "well...go for it". i just can't come up to them and flirt with my mom watching my back right? hehehe. besides, i wasn't in the mood to be extra friendly as i've said, i've been killing brain cells. they will be leaving today, happy trip!
Posted by Picasa

Jul 11, 2008

done and done

snapshots of selected pages from my thesis chapter one first draft aka skeleton. i am so proud of myself, what an achievement! i am sooo happy. masaya maging masaya. proposal hearing on the first week of august, can't wait. fingers crossed still.
Posted by Picasa

kawawa mode

i am currently looking for someone to help me with lay-outing my blog. as much as possible i want it to look personalized, gusto ko pag may tumingin sa lay-out pa lang sabihin na nya, "it's her! this is icon", hehehehe cheesy. i am trying to contact my friend gabby, who is really good at creating things with html and other computer thingees. this is my nth blog and i intend that this will be the last howevever, i haven't moved my posts from other blogs i own because i forgot the passwords --- kawawa naman ako. so what i did i placed my other blogs to my links, i think it'll be good.

i will be killing brain cells this afternoon as i will make my thesis chapter one skeleton. please pray that i will finish it and i will make good since it's due this sunday. this skeleton i will make out of cramming, not really good but then i can make bawi when it will be returned and i will polish, probably change it. masters i slowly killing my brain cells (aawww kawawa naman), i hate it for now. two more trisemesters to go and i'm done! yeheyyy!!! --- i'm thinking of graduation for motivation, i need it right now. then after that, hello phD! --- another motivation, keeps me sane.

Jul 10, 2008


things are different when you go out to the real world. just a while ago my friend and i went to the mall to do our grocery, as we paid at the counter we realized how things are becoming more and more expensive nowadays and that's when we really felt the need to become more economical than usual. back when i was a student, although i still am now as i am taking up my masters (currently unemployed, expenses shouldered by my parents), the reality that things are becoming more expensive didn't really struck me. maybe because my parents would always tell me and my siblings that there is no need for us to think of money and expenses because as students our responsibility is as follows: attend class, get good grades, aim high-slash-achieve, graduate with flying colors and etc. or maybe because students don't actually work that's why they can't feel how hard it really is to earn. although my parents would remind us that prices are high and we should be thrifty, siguro lang talaga a student's perception is different from that of a non-student. as a resolution, i will keenly separate my needs from my wants --- not only will i save money, but also become good in budgeting. ahhh, the art of economics.

speaking of unemployment, i have been job-hunting with friends and still no luck. when i received my diploma, i felt obliged to work and pay for my expenses. my parents didn't want me to look for a job, especially if it has to do with call centers; for some reason they just want me to bum around and "grab the opportunity of resting while you still can", said both of them in a conversation a few days after june 2. however, being the sag that i am --- always drawn to motion and activity, bumming around is not and has never been my type. although i am taking up my masters, still sunday classes leave the weekdays for more bumming. i get exactly what they mean, it's just that i feel like i'm having too much rest. my parents want me to rest and i don't want to be a bummer, they don't want me to work yet and i want to work on something. my unemployment leads me to further job-hunting, something i am working on. so to compromise, i am balancing rest and job-hunting. that way i can chill and relax while not overdoing it, job-hunting while not overdoing it too. and yes, since i am still looking for employment i get to rest while having little preoccupations. ends meet.

Jul 8, 2008

my nephew

this is my nephew, kuya louie and ate melsy's cute lil son, louis craig. born 2nd of september year 2007, premature and look at him now.
Posted by Picasa

Jul 7, 2008

new space

after the board exams my parents and i decided that i move in with my brother in his pad. i moved out from my dorm and moved in right after my in-house review. things are good though i have to make little sacrifices. little sacrifices, by this i mean my closet space is not as big as the space i owned because i am sharing a portion of the closet with my brother and some of my stuff is still in the storage unit of my dorm --- i need help to move them in and i can't find one because people are busy with school. to keep me from boredom, i have four fiction books three of them i have finished reading, a laptop and of course food.
Posted by Picasa

Jun 30, 2008


i have again realized that i am so blessed.

sometimes, maybe most the time, i complain about how crappy my life is and how unfortunate i am. i whine and ramble about how unfair and cruel life and this world is to me. i have so many things to complain and tattle about yet somewhere, someone is wishing to live even a day of the life i am living. somewhere, someone is wishing to be able to eat the food i am eating, to feel the good clothes behind my back, and the list goes on and on.

you see, sometimes we complain so much that we have forgotten that not all people are privileged to live a life like ours. we can spend money and the money we don't have as if it's the end of the world; we shop, we eat at fancy restos, we have night-outs with friends, watch movies and etc...and still we complain. although it is human nature that we are not contented with what we have, still we have to think that somewhere people are dying because of hunger. that somewhere, some people don't have roofs above their heads and consider the ground as their bed --- that for others, what we have would be luxury for them.

and this is what i am thankful for.

Jun 8, 2008

turning point?

i've always wanted to be a doctor. i want to save lives, i want to help people; i don't really care if it would take me more years of studying --- i want to be one.

yes, being a nurse may sound like being a doctor --- you get to hold the chart, you get to take care of the sick; it may sound a little bit alike, but it's really different. way different. although i'm a nurse, i'm really not into the white uniform nurses wear, i still envy wearing the white coat.

but sadly, things seem not what i expect them to be. i guess this is god's plan for me. maybe med school can wait. what i'm going through right now is quite a sacrifice --- giving up my dream/s to help my extended family. it's not as easy as i think it would be; i really want to help my cousins, the thing is i need to give up what i want to help them.

if it's for me, then it's for me... it just makes me sad...

Jun 4, 2008

mixed nuts

after being quarantined in a dormitory for the board exam, i am home. i arrived hours ago.

i missed, i miss a lot...

for almost 2 months, i missed going outside. i missed having coffee with my friends, bar-hopping: sipping cocktails, and meeting new people; shopping and just doing nothing.

for 2 months, i have learned to adapt a lifestyle not close to mine. i have learned so much, i discovered things anew.

the lifestyle i lived for 2 months, i now miss. i miss the bell when food is being served. i miss the noisy, crazy shower rooms and of course, the people i lived with. i miss waking up to early morning mass, i miss closing the day with a rosary. i miss walking around the dorm's halls and seeing colleagues studying until the wee hours of the morning. i miss everything about my dorm life. miss it, miss it, miss it.

although the agony in waiting for the board exam results has just begun, i am still preoccuppied with the thought of claiming independence. i am still not prepared for an independent life; i'm not prepared to pay bills, to pay for my lifestyle, to pay for what i need and want. at this point, i don't know where to start. i don't know where i'll go from here, teehee.

dream, dream, dream. that's what i'm going to do, i think...dream, dream big.


friends from LGRC who are reading this, please contact me through friendster or by sending a message through this blog...thanks a lot....

Mar 5, 2008


i'm going home this friday night.

i still choose home even if the annual students recognition will be held on the same night as my scheduled trip. i need a break, coming home and seeking for my parents' comfort will keep me sane. i've been dying out here, i need my parents...i need my mom, my dad --- who just visited last monday; i need them.

i feel like i'm regressing to the helpless, poor child i once was. it's like going back to the time when i needed my parents for everything, for my survival. my parents are my strength

going home keeps me sane. it helps me put the puzzle together, it helps me find my lost self.

in weeks time i will be graduating, hopefully i can. i still lack requirements and i am scheduled for a rr. i lack many many cases and i hope that i would get it when i serve my rr. i'm praying that i'd be done before the 27th.

help me pray.