Mar 5, 2008

home

i'm going home this friday night.

i still choose home even if the annual students recognition will be held on the same night as my scheduled trip. i need a break, coming home and seeking for my parents' comfort will keep me sane. i've been dying out here, i need my parents...i need my mom, my dad --- who just visited last monday; i need them.

i feel like i'm regressing to the helpless, poor child i once was. it's like going back to the time when i needed my parents for everything, for my survival. my parents are my strength

going home keeps me sane. it helps me put the puzzle together, it helps me find my lost self.

in weeks time i will be graduating, hopefully i can. i still lack requirements and i am scheduled for a rr. i lack many many cases and i hope that i would get it when i serve my rr. i'm praying that i'd be done before the 27th.


help me pray.

Mar 2, 2008

sa ngayon

what i want for now...



i want to rest. go to a place where i could unwind and do nothing, think about nothing but myself, my family and my friends. for once i don't want to think about extra-curricular responsibilities --- the things that preoccupy and literally took my life. i want to have that vacation i've always wanted.

i want to fall in love with the right one. i want to feel being taken cared of because i am tired of taking care and looking after other people. i have realized that i don't live for the happiness of others. i have realized that i also deserve to be happy. i want to feel needed, to feel important.

i don't want to cover for people. it's tiring and at the end of the day i start asking myself if what i did was right. i can be strong for other people, i can conceal their mistakes for a while until they are okay, until they can stand up and fight for their own but i can't do it forever. ako lang napapagod, and nalalagay sa stress and sometimes sa alanganin.

broken mirror

i messed up...i fucked up...


my life has been a mess lately...i have drowned myself with work, work, and lots of it that i forgot to give myself a break. i though i would be happy with it, i thought i can balance everything, i thought it was okay.

now i'm paying. i lost myself in the process and now i regret because as what loida said in her friendster comment, "what is left are fragments of who we are". sad but true...what is left are the broken pieces of the mirror that i once looked at everyday. the mirror where i used to see the reflection of a happy and upbeat me. now, only broken pieces of that mirror are left.

but i am picking up the pieces and i am trying to put it together. i will put it together even if i know it won't be the same again.

i know that it won't be long 'til i find what i lost --- i will find myself again.