Jul 23, 2008

fantasies

i have managed to let today pass as less sullen as i can. i had lunch with jem, a relief. i spent my afternoon in the library, scanning books and photocopying what i need to get my report kicking as i start tonight. i have also managed to read my new book, the host, by my favorite author, stephenie meyer.

yet as the sunset started to creep signaling the day's close, a little bit of sun-downing washed me leaving more room for the gloom. not that i have depression --- don't get me wrong. i thought maybe i'm more absurd or melodramatic --- either --- that i have given myself credit for.

in my 20 years of existence, i have read books of great and timeless love stories. the stories of romeo and juliet, of elizabeth bennet and fitzwilliam darcy, of catherine and heathcliff. and of course, my favorite modern pair, edward cullen and bella swan. i am always left in awe every time i finish rereading their stories from my shabby collection of books.

i am such in awe that most of the time i absurdly forget love's reality. i am not blaming the books, for crying out loud. it's just that my incandescence mixed with utopia leaves me in a haze, blocking my eyes from seeing that although a girl can have a whirlwind romance like that of the great lovers in fiction, not every girl can. i believe this side of my self-debate is made clear.

the 'fantasy' of getting me a whirlwind love stoy is poignant. as creepy as it sounds, this 'fantasy' has made me a little disappointed. but, i am awakened to reality, which is all the more pleasant. i am sheepishly accepting the fact that i have allowed this daydreaming of mine wash away the beautiful day that could have been today, and yes, a few days this week.

this is the morale of the story. timeless, prieless love stories should only serve as an inspiration, so much so that we can dream, but not to the point of deluding ourselves. although i am not accustomed to writing about my love life, as i find it hokey, i realized that there's that and a very important me i need to take care of. my delusions almost led me to break what i built because the daydreaming side of me threw a hissy fit that my story should be like ms. bennet's. downright unfair. i got so hooked with my daydream that i forgot that real-life love stories need to be worked on. it is healthy to fantasize and dream, only make sure that it doesn't become the reason of fights just because you don't get what you want as what your fantasy dictated. it is absolutely and incredulously unjust to have your self trapped in your own little bubble of fantasies and dreams.

tonight, i did nothing but search for video scenes of how the twilight movie is going, as expected, thanks to the internet i am triumphant. the twilight saga by stephenie meyer is on its steps on becoming a major motion picture. i am enthralled to see it materialize as i have been running a little obsessed since i read the first book of the saga. this is something i thank my sister for. it was her who introduced me to twilight's existence. and since then, lo and behold, the voracious reader comes again to life.