Nov 17, 2008

entourage

my aunt is getting married. at last.

yesterday morning, she sent me a text message informing that i would be her wedding coordinator of sorts. i was relieved; i was exultant. i needed the excuse not to be in a gown of any kind on the day of. perfect, i thought.

i was never the frou-frou girl, and i never will be. the thought of a clothing, designed to suit women on rare formal occasions, where from top to bottom everything is tailored to accentuate assets, makes me flinch --- shudder, was the appropriate word. plus, the very act of presenting myself in it, while holes are being bored everywhere in my body as a signficant number of family and friends would stare, glare and appraise me is something i do not take delight in. in as much as i do not like gowns and all that's in its genre, i do not like attention too. it makes me uncomfortable. i'd much rather get lost in the crowd and blend in the herd than have the surrounding be aware of my presence. the spotlight is not in my list of things-to-achieve. to quote princess mia in the princess diaries 1, "my only mission in life is to be invisible, and i am good at it". more or less it can be applied to me. the only pitfall is the known fact that i am not the very graceful of people that when i commit a blunder--- no matter how minute it is, i always make heads turn. people notice me in my awkward moments --- not really something i aspire for. so in that manner, i'm not good at being invisible. but i am not a klutz, just so the thought runs that beautiful head of yours. truth be told, some strange glitch in my head has made me absurdly phobic to gowns and attention --- something most people crave for.

so anyway, i was happy and content to be a spectator on my aunt's wedding. or so i thought.

a few minutes after my rejoice, i recieved yet another message --- i was also going to be her maid of honor! horror washed through me as i tried to ingest the news. the awful truth dawned on me slowly, creeping from spine to skull. i was mortified. i could be a reader, i could offer gifts, or attach the veil or cord; of all the parts i could fall into, the most embarassing role came to me: maid of honor. how could she do this to me? i wanted to cry in disbelief and utter disappointment.

but despite all my emotions, i did not throw a fit. this was my aunt's wedding; something very important, especially to her. the least i can do to make her big day perfect, after all she has done for me, is to accept the part. i could not make any excuse or alibi; i could not fake an illness or injury on the day of, it would be very cruel of me. blackly, i accepted to be her maid of honor.

until now, i could not wrap my head around the vision of me in a gown, walking in a long aisle alone, in the most humiliating wedding role i could think of. follow me as i submit myself to a nightmarish event. the best i can do is to cross my fingers, and i am.