Dec 16, 2008

merry christmas!

this is sooo urgent.

i am needed back home. there's no emergency; my parents just want to see me dragging my feet around their house. for the remainder of the holiday break, i will be struggling to fight one of the places summoned from my own personal hell - that is my hometown; with the tedium killing me every chance it gets. i just hope that the town will be as cheery and alive as cebu, even just this once. and, that my friends and i be allowed to go out that we can help each other overcome the sullen and gloomy spirit the environment fosters. to those who are not informed, most of my friends and i are not allowed to go out. this, i (we) do not know why. maybe because my (our) parents are protecting us from the vicious tendencies the townspeople are capable of, or maybe it's just the simple: "you're not allowed to go out, period."

as much i love to spend a few more days here, i really have to pack my bags and tow myself to the terminal by four o'clock pm tomorrow. why? number one, i am afraid my parents might scold me. yes, even at this age, i still fear the reprimand and accusations being voiced over by the shrieking tones of the good people i call my parents. altogether my vitals increase whenever this stuff happens; it's like i've developed a trauma or something. in fact, it gives me the chills. and sometimes, it haunts me in my dreams --- a.k.a nightmares. second, i am a shock-absorber, a buffer, who is forcing to have a year-long vacation, and i think i can't handle attacks of the kind from my parents. next, i am trying to secure and protect my future --- my life, that is --- so any disappontment that would certainly add-up to my already sad behavior will likely cost me everything. fourth, i want to avoid the incremental drama my mother would surely burden me with. and lastly, in the family, i talk less. being the surreptitious being that i am, i try to avoid any move that would earn me the spotlight. for me, it's much better to be ignored; makes me happy.

before i go on a very long cyberspace vacation, i would like to thank the following who have made my three-day stay here much more fun than what i had anticipated.

sharmaine, rizzelle and darling (with boyfriend nino). pigging out after class made me relax and forget about the doom we all went through in the hands of prof. m---. i'm glad i came with you guys. i really did enjoy the night, even if all we did was eat, talk, shop and walk around --- it was tremendous fun. sha, thanks so much for picking out the beautiful dress i wore yesterday. i hope you understand by now that i have a shattered self-esteem, and with it comes my refusal to look in a full-bodied mirror, as well as believing the compliments people give me.

ate emma, jen, kat and sharmaine (again). the torture we got from the same professor was forgotten because of the yummy pizza we ate at alberto's. the chikka was really enjoying; we got to know each other well. i'm really looking forward to more of the session.

to all of you guys, i wish we will be complete the next time we hang out and enjoy each other's company.

not to forget, kit. the ill-fortune i had with my shoes was bearable because you're such a selfless friend. thank you for seeking the best mall shortcuts just so i can avoid further pain. and i really appreciate your effort to meet-up. i'm glad i have a friend like you who wouldn't mind sitting down for long hours of talk. thank you jud.

to everyone, have a very merry christmas!

no matter what this season holds for us, let us try to celebrate it the best way we can. avoid anything that can only spoil this once-in-a-long-year occasion. think: 'tis the season to be jolly.

this is the only time we can really, fully express our gratitude and love to the people dear to us and we ought to submit with superb grace. the only time? how so? --- because almost all of us do not take the chance we are given day after unpredictable day; we wait for special events and seasons since the everyday chance looks and sounds hokey.

we all have our share of memoirs that make up this year a beautiful and blessed one, and with that, it is but right that we also give back. let us remember: we are blessed by God to bless others. and the simplest, most teeny effort to do this is not to shoo carolers away. come on, this is after all the season of giving and sharing.

it is not a mandate that everyone should spend christmas with grandiosity. as long as we're sitting around a humble meal with family and friends on christmas eve, it'll do.

they say that the best way to open presents is to really destroy and mangle the wrapper. i don't understand what it's for, but there's no harm in practicing the act.

what gift to buy? --- if you're still in a dilemma and running out of time, it's best to know that the simplest things are the ones that make people happy. why not make a personalized gift, say a poem? it won't cost a dime but it'll surely touch that soft spot you're aiming for.

so many things i'd like to say, but so little time. i'll try to post more of my scatterbrained thoughts the soonest i can (considering the decrepit internet connection we have at home). i still have to pack my bags and prepare for the trip.


love, prayers, wishes and hugs ... ICON

Dec 15, 2008

random thoughts

i like to operate on the assumption that all people are good. but i can't do away with the universal truth, that, people are divided into three. some are divinely good, while others are infernally wicked and the remaining are severely moral.

today, i want to grab my favorite holiday coffee at starbucks. but, my starbucks buddies are not around. loida is in leyte; kit is, i think, sleeping his ass off after a slightly tiring night (that's what i've heard); and jem is at work. so far, these are the only people i want to spend my starbucks moments with. only three of the good people in my life. because i can freely pester them, and rant and gush over unimportant details of my not-so-picturesque and dull day to day life. i miss them so much!!! and to think, i just saw kit lastnight and loida a few days back.

nemo, as yoyek told me, is a very rare kind of fish that can easily be caught. they don't swim around in ones, they always have a crowd with them. sometimes in fours or threes.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! isn't it the most wonderful time of the year? i sooo love christmas and believe it or not, i still believe in santa claus. i know, i know, it is amazingly obvious that santa claus is only our parents but for an anonymous reason, it doesn't make my belief in saint nick drop even a centimeter. crazy as it sounds, i still look forward to meeting him and having a tour around the north pole. and, i wouldn't mind meeting a few of his elfen friends.

Dec 3, 2008

little ashes

what is salvador dali's gender preference??? can someone enlighten me on this topic i definitely find controversial?

little ashes is the film adaptation --- filled with striking reveilles --- of the life of celebrated artist salvador dali, with his friends: writer federico garcia lorca and filmmaker luis bunuel.

i love dali; i adore his works. but i know nothing --- not even a speck --- about certain cryptic details of his life. i honestly have not read any bio of his, or any piece of article relating to his personal life. isn't it shocking that someone who claims to adore and love him knows absolutely nothing? all i can draw from the miscroscopic info i have is that he studied in madrid to become a great artist, which he eventaully became. and that he has mastered the bizarre blend of shyness and rampant exhibitionism, obviousy reflected upon in his art.

i don't know how to react to this extremely surprising, confusing question that the movie trailer and synopsis has planted in my mind. three things; one is the unfathomable, unbearable (for me) query: is dali gay? the other can be considered an echo of the first: dali is gay?! and lastly, is his summer with lorca brokeback mountain-ish?! --- WAAAHHH!!!

have i been hiding under some proverbial rock that even this fact (?!), not a grain of insight i can pick up from my brain? or is this thought just an absurdly conjured up piece of crap my twisted mind has invited?

something inside me wants to shout in defense: NO! HE IS NOT GAY. but what do i know? what is the truth? the movie may reflect a series of his encounters, but it will not depict the whole reality of salvador dali.

one thing is for sure, i am stirred.