Feb 2, 2009

torn

this morning, ate emma, my classmate in the masters program, told me about this medical school scholarship. it's a full scholarship; with monthly allowance and allowance for books and uniform. it's really a good offer. i told lola mother and my parents about it. luckily, they agreed that i take the opportunity. i was really thrilled. i've always wanted to be a med student, let alone, a doctor.

an hour ago, i took a moment to think about it.

now i'm torn.

i'm currenty asking myself if heading medical school is what i really want, although i know the scholarship thingy is still not a hundred percent sure.

i'm asking myself if being a doctor is a profession i can settle with, what with the things i want to give my family.

i love my parents. i love my family. and i would really want to give them all the luxury things i've always wanted for them. i want to take my parents to europe for a month-long tour. i want to build a retirement house for them. i want to send my brother to an ivy league college when he finally takes up medicine. i want to give my sister all the designer stuff she likes, and she would be the most fashionable lawyer ever --- with the latest chanel power suit and all that. i want so many things for them, but going to med school would mean a delay with these plans. or maybe i won't even get to give them these.

so i'm torn. confused.

i need enlightenment.