Mar 27, 2009


It is a sad, worrying reality that people, even professionals, fail to bear propriety. Of course, an aspect with which they, and perhaps everybody, are utterly expected of. Whenever I get in contact with situations with the matter of social graces and manners in an unimpressive demeanor, I begin to ask questions like: “What is wrong with the concerned?” “What is happening to the world?” and “Have people gone mad or something?” --- Just little, trivial queries that would ultimately lead me into doubting what a person can authentically bring to the table.

Needless to say, my parents are big on good manners and right conduct. They are keen on this stuff that whenever anyone in the family or in the close circle of friends is confronted with a display of open arrogance, the story becomes a cool topic over dinner. And with the story, comes the morale that my siblings and I unconsciously pick-up.

The workplace is one area in our lives where meeting people who are absolutely sure of publicly exhibiting messages with contents of contemptuous pride are inevitable. I have had my own share of the cake and dealing with them is moderately easy for me, given the factual bile that I say what I want to say --- directly in the person’s face. However, there are certain people who are incapable of doing what I do; moreover, just don’t deserve to be treated with whatever degree of reproach there exists.

Very recently, my mother shared yet another disastrous story of one of her colleagues. I have come to know the darker side of her personality from the various encounters my mum and other people have had with her. And just by looking at her and picking-up her energy and aura, the tittle-tattle can be validated. Or, to put it in a different light, her energy fields dictate that the tendencies of her doing such atrocities are dispersed in a very broad horizon.

Usually, I don’t meddle with battles that are not mine. When I feel strongly for a very unjust occurrence, it’s either I speak my mind to people on the good side or write about it, all in the purpose of trying to substantiate my point of view and whatever emotional uptakes I have fostered. You may not get this, but just allow my prattling tell you what my point is. With that said, here is my argument.

There is a very thin line that separates an educated individual from a learned one. When we go to school and receive the benefit of any degree of education, then we are considered educated. It doesn’t matter if it’s high school, college or whatever, as long as we have exercised that privilege we are entitled to be called educated, hence the phrase “level of education” or “educational background”. A learned individual, on the other hand, is someone embodying the air of knowledge and refinement. And by this, we mean people who do not represent impropriety.

Although all of us are born sans morals and values, certainly our family has taught us such. And much certainly, we go to school --- a place that upholds and imbues good manners and right conduct. Therefore it is right for me to say, that, everyone has the know-how on how to extend GMRC. But then again, as was said earlier, it is unfortunate that even highly educated people do not bear such decorum, or even try thereof.

Conceit will not take people to any ladder whether in the society or in the profession. This vanity is what makes people go down the drain faster. Owning that air of superiority which is utterly and absurdly wrong is the real reason behind why some spend their whole lives trying to realize their ambition and die without even getting a meter close. Just because you think you’re good, it doesn’t mean that you are actually. And just because you think that you’re all that, it does not give you the ticket to belittle and undermine people. De facto, even if you really are good at what you’re doing, that ticket is something you do not, can not and will not earn.

To whoever might be struck by my statements, here’s a teeny message: But if you are as abominable as to think that you are high and mighty, if you are so sure of yourself that decrying others is something you see as admissible, do make sure that your loopholes are inconspicuous enough for silent prying eyes not to notice.

Acting like an uberly important high horse will not fish-out any compliments, let alone respect from the people around. There are real people out there who are much better than us at what we do and this fact is enough to make everybody grounded. Thinking highly of one’s self is one ridiculous step to becoming a complete fiasco. And what this teaches us: Always keep a good head screwed on our shoulders.

Mar 24, 2009

how you doin'?

hi NSA major, how're you doing?

--- baffled, tired and blunt actually. sigh.

i am stuck in the middle of suburban tedium while enduring long weeks of data gathering for my thesis. good thing i have my parents, and their connections, around. helped a lot. and i mean, A LOT. things wouldn't be as fast-paced as they are if it weren't for them. thank heavens for all kinds of divine intervention.

suddenly i feel choked, i don't know why. maybe it's because of the time constraint my continuing education is constantly placing on me ... and my friends as well. a month ago, we were at the brink of giving it all up. of forgetting about claiming another title that will (soon) be added after the two initials marking our license to practice the profession we chose. we were an inch or so close to not continuing. then again, we thought of what we went through and how we fought the battle. better judgment got to me: letting go just like buying candy for a penny is ridiculously unjust. so i'm here, treading the wheel until the most awaited month of graduation arrives. it's not anymore that long a wait all right.


tv has been my best ally lately. when i run out of leisure stuff to do, considering the fact that i did not bring any book with me, tv serves the purpose of annihilating monotony well; serves me well. because of this, i got to reconnect with some of the shows i follow whenever i go home.

first of, paranormal state. yes, i happen to like it considering my weird and peculiar ability that is that of a sensitive. not really a clairvoyant nor a medium, just a plain sensitive. my aunt has been telling me to close it and i was thinking about the option too. but, BUT, for some inexplicable reason that dawned on me yesterday, i am thinking otherwise.

and, rescue mediums. i just like watching jackie and christine, as they are good at what they are doing. that's it actually, hehehehe.

tv related ...

a few days ago, i came across an episode of pushing daisies. it was the first time to was able to watch an entire episode --- from start to finish. i liked it so much that i'm already asking people who might know where i can get complete episode dvds of it. i got hooked to it because of the show's fairytale-ish speck. it has a 'when i met genie' feel with a twisted-out-of-the-storybook theme. the narrator tops it all off; and it's also funny, in a quick-witted, geeky kind of way --- my cup of tea. i look forward to more interesting and surprising episodes.


mum and pops have suggested that i tweak a wee bit portion of my data. i knew it! the limited time would somehow taint the authenticity of my study. my perfectionist-OC mode plummeted for quite a while. but what can i do? i have FOUR DIFFERENT respondents, each with separate tools. i knew it! this wild goose chase and horse race would not permit the feasibility of my data gathering process. sigh. but anyhow, at least it's not a hundred percent deviation. oh well, it's what they say: when idealism sinks, pragmatism arises.


i opened my facebook account after a week or so of going OL MIA (online missing in action). but, i was greeted with a truckload of invitations. i got pissed for a minute there. i was hoping to find good and meaty stuff upon opening such, but nada. the most i got are these horrendously wholly unnecessary etceteras and it's irksome. lesson learned: do not do such horrid thing to others, now you know how it feels.


i miss my friends, especially my best friend.
i miss wounding and getting lost amongst bookshelves in bookstores (powerbooks and fully-booked ... i totally miss thee)
i miss having my "epiphany time". the kind where i enjoy the silence and indulge in deep thought, where no one else would be around but me. silence-and-me time.
i miss having my self trapped in the tapestry of the stories in books.
i miss sincere talks and irreverent, sarcastic humor.
i miss a lot of things actually. but after this pre-lenten, herculean sacrifice, it'll be worth it.

'til next time then... so long!

have a blast day :) !

Mar 13, 2009


this might sound a little defensive, and maybe i am. but this absurb, lame and petty hysteria has got to stop already.

every once in a while we meet people, we see people whom we have come to like, idolize and look up to. and eventually, we place them on pedestals. it's a pretty normal reflex, but sometimes, most of the time, this little gesture foreshadows reality. because we have blindly placed these noteworthy people in a paramount, we tend to forget that they are still human beings. normal, breathing mortals who have all the tendencies of making mistakes and doing not-to-be-idolized stuff like we all do.

as i have been looking at the websites i frequently visit, i have come across pictures of twilight stars in the set of their upcoming movie, new moon, in vancouver. unfortunately, these pictures reflected the stars smoking. the pictures are okay. they really are. what isn't are the people making a very big fuss over them and the teeny little expose that they actually do smoke.

so they smoke. what exactly is wrong with that? what is the hype all about?

come on, just because they smoke, doesn't mean they're friggin' smoking addicts.

everybody has a way of coping with stress, of relaxing and settling nerves. and maybe smoking is their outlet --- just like me and my friends. but again, just because we have the same denominator, smoking, it does not mean i smoke frequently.

i know little girls look up to them since they've all become a huge hit when the bestseller had an equally big film adaptation. but really, they're still, like us, imperfect souls. they have loopholes.

i think they know the repercussions of their acts. they're old and intelligent enough to know the detrimental sum of what too much smoking can do. just let them be.

there is a reason, clearly or ambiguously, why people do things.

Mar 10, 2009


tonight, i am on cloud nine. just finished my thesis proposal hearing hours ago and i totally love it! yay! my wallet was uberly scratched, it might need complete damage repair. there's still a very long and winding road to tackle ahead. my will and my wallet will be further put to a test. but what the heck, at least i came and conquered this part of the quest. i started this game and i will, I WILL, finish this at exacty the right time this should be completed.

my soul and my entire being is afloat. i am beyond words at this founding glory. really. i mean, who the hell would expect that i'd get out of the damn hell-hole of the criss-crossed shenanigan i came from? who? wala. no one would, as to be kind enough, think that i'd be capable as to make the first part of a thesis, let alone its entirety. i, myself, didn't even.

i can not believe i did it. i have run out of words to describe what i'm feeling right now. my disposition at the moment is somewhere between the three E's: ease, euphoria and ecstasy.haayyy. this is so freeing.

here is a bulletin my sister posted. obviously enough, it came from the same family of the tags. but, because tonight i seem to be perpetually cheery, i am reposting it with my answers in the hopes of infecting people with my current state of being. hope it will make you smile :)

What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up?
** another day has come..thank you and help me LORD :)
What did you do last night?
** making the powerpoint presentation for my proposal hearing, eating ice cream and spaghetti, playing poker and trying to read my manuscript :)
What is the most important part of your life?
** GOD. family. friends. everyday miracles.
What would you rather be doing right now?
** buy and read the books i've been dying to sink my teeth into :)
What did you last cry over?
** the fucking unfortunate turn-out of a class requirement.
What is your next day off and how are you going to spend it?
** you mean WHEN, hehehe...well, it's going to be tomorrow until friday. i would really love to buy and read my coveted books, shop and play (and win) poker :)
What always makes you feel better when you are upset?
** contemplate in a far away place. chillax alone. write and pray. read a paulo coelho. take a very warm and relaxing bath. eat comfort foods. shop. wander around, again, alone.
What is the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
** the uncanny ability to make me wonder what his thoughts are --- otherwise known as mystery.
What are you worried about?
** a lot of consequential things
9 Have You Evers:
9. Have you ever liked someone else while you had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
** YES.
8. Have you ever had your heart broken?
** in terms of what? but whatever it is, i get my heart broken over sensical and nonsensical things, hehehehe :)
7. Have you ever been out of the country?
** :)
6. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
** YES.
5. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
** yep
4. Have you ever had the cops called on you?
** nope
3. Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
** no and no way
2. Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
** ABSOLUTELY. i've read most of my books within 24 hours.
1. Have you ever got a speeding ticket?
** nope. i don't even drive haha
8 Whos:
8. Who was the last person you saw?
** errol and sherwin
7. Who was the last person you kissed?
** elle, beso beso :)
6. Who was the last person you texted?
** elle again hehehe
5. Who was the last person to call you?
** mum and pops
4. Who is the last person you freaked out on?
3. Who did you last hug?
** can't remember :)
2. Who did you go with to your 1st school dance?
** either giovanni, eddierez or kevin
1. Who is your best friend?
** loida haha :p
7 Whens:
7. When was your last shower?
** this mornin
6. When did you last see your mom or dad?
** approximately 2 weeks ago :)
5. When was the last time you danced?
** just this mornin :) haha
4. When did you get married, or when do you want to?
* haha. no plans ;p
3. When was the last time you cried?
** the morning of the freakin' seminar, while channeling out my angst to loida and some of my classmates
2. When did you last go to the movies and with whom?
** twilight (third time) at ormoc with loida ;p
1. When did you last take a vacation and where?
** mini vaca at ormoc
6 Wheres:
6. Where do your grandparents live?
** leyte
5. Where did you last hang out?
** the university's graduate school office
4. Where is your favorite place to be?
** no favorite
3. Where did you sleep last night?
** my room
2. Where would you like to move?
** my own place ;p
1. Where were you when Princess Diana died?
** in the classroom. first grade i think. it was then carissa garcia-codilla, now carissa aznar-beane who delivered the news to me :)
5 Do/Does:
5. Do you like someone right now?
** haha. yeah. my EDUARD, not EDWARD.
4. Do you like your vehicle?
** yeah. super.
D0 you ever wish you were someone else?
** sometimes, hehehe. loida knows ;p
2. Do you have nightmares?
1. Does the future scare you?
** sometimes it does unexplicable bizarre things to my conscious
4 Whys:
4. Why are you best friends with your best friend?
** we have the same wavelength i think :)
3. Why did you get a MySpace?
** aira and loida invited me hehehe ;p
2. Why did your parents give you the name you have?
** my birthday dictated the decision :p
1. Why are you doing this survey?
** im bored and uberly decided to spread my current state
3 Ifs:
3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
** read minds
2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
** haven't thought of that actually
1. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring one thing what would it be?
** only one thing? come on...
2 Would You Evers:
2. Would you ever get back together with your ex?
** IDRK :)
1. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
** sorry nah...
1 Last Question:
1. Are you happy with your life right now?
** YUP :)


have a wonderful night everyone!

Mar 5, 2009


yes people, it's poker and me :)

some of my friends are self-confessed addicts. some have withdrawn from the addiction. some were not able to survive the super tricky and sneaky process that begins with gradual tapering until complete abstinence. some were victorious in moderating their game. and having been a witness to all of these, i promised that i would not allow my self to become one of them.

people have been teaching me how to play, so i know the basics. yet the game never got my attention glued to it --- it was something i was very proud of. it was my poker statement of pride.

i vowed i wouldn't have myself enlisted in the bandwagon. i promisED --- with a capitalized past tense suffix. but no matter how i resisted, i am, petty and lame as it sounds, a rock-solid testimony to the cliched saying, "promises are meant to be broken" *sigh*. i am hooked.

BUT, being hooked doesn't mean that i'm addicted.

to modify my poker statement of pride: i am hooked to poker but it is not distracting me from my priorities. it still remains a game, a leisure. my top priority is still winning. winning in my life's race, not in the bouts of my poker game.

let the games begin!

Mar 3, 2009

crush ignored me

i was supposed to write about this yesterday, but, certain important and unimportant things sidetracked me.

without a doubt, i will be laughed at and maybe even ridiculed. if my friends, siblings and cousins would happen to as by far, get a clue, i might as well welcome doomsday.

my crush ignored me. well, sort of. well this crush is unlike the many other crushes i have. weirdly enough, my "attraction" for him occurs sporadically. i don't know why, it just is.

what happened? i was silently enjoying every bite of my brunch when crush came, out of nowhere, and said, "hi! let's eat." he was with a friend so the thought of him sharing a table with me was squished. this is one of those days where i regret being a slow-eater. because of my momentary snail-paced eating reflexes, crush and his friend finished ahead even if they just came in. gah. on their way out, he just passed by --- no good-byes, no words, no nothing. he ignored me.

was i upset? no. not at all. the getting ignored part didn't get to me. however, it sent me exponential pictures-with-peculiar-reasons flashbacks. sh**. actually, crush and i had this unpicturesque history. hehehehe. i say no more *wink*.


because i am blogging already of a very nonsensical matter, i'd like to share a little something i found in my class-notebook-cum-journal some days ago. it was written on the 8th of february 2009. this is about one of those crushes who have the usual one-week life span.

pathetic mode.

impulse is bad.

i just had this spur-of-the-moment realization: i am liking this guy who i haven't even talked to ... he knows me, i know him, and that's about it. i'm silly, i know. pathetic.

it's like high school all over again --- the part where you have boy crushes who aren't even all that. the crushes who're not really your type but you just happen to like them.

God, i am in my pathetic mode.

darn friggin' valentine's month.

my head is throbbing from the messy combination of physical, psychological and emotional stress from class requirements and other etceteras.

dang, i can't get him put of my mind. every time i whack him away, he keeps coming back like a pesky weed determined to destroy my garden of zen.

and who is he? that's a little secret i'll never tell.


that's all, hehehehe :)

Mar 2, 2009


just random things.

last sunday, my thesis adviser raised a lot --- and i mean a LOT --- of comments and suggestions to improve my thesis draft in preparation for next monday's scheduled oral proposal. i really thought i won't get everything done before she leaves for a business trip tomorrow. the list was hefty and for someone like me who allows procrastination mode whenever the feeling strikes, just by looking at my adviser's scribbles and materializing them seems to consume a rough 48 years. but, i did it! and i'm soooooo thankful and proud of this little achievement. wait, i think my statements are scattered and incomprehensible, but you do get it right? hehehehe. (i don't feel like restating them kasi, i'm too lazy to do basic editing right now - not that i'm good at it, hehehe)

anyway, isn't it great to be relieved from something bugging you for several days? suddenly it feels like it's been weeks since i've inhaled fresh air. today was another exasperating-yet-charming experience. relaxing. freeing.


my sister mentioned this new net cafe she goes to whenever she feels like playing facebook pet society and other online computer games. the computers don't hang daw, even if everyone is playing online games. since it's just a few minutes walk outside the university belt, i decided to head there and check it out. wala lang. i went inside, and this boy about 12-15 years old left his computer and approached the counter. i searched the place for the person-in-charge, but i saw no one. so i asked the boy who i was to inquire if i wanted to use a computer. his reply shocked me: "ako, te" ("me"). i thought maybe the boy has no class. but who was i kidding? it was monday morning and obviously, the city and the country isn't celebrating any kind of holiday that would send students home.

i know child labor exists like a pandemic disease, but is it that rampant that even owners of computer cafes thoughtlessly have their children man the business instead of having and forcing them to attend school? --- come on!

God spare me from the harsh realities this world is welcoming and presenting.


reverting my conscious to more happy thoughts ...

i will be receiving my hard-earned, okay, not-so-hard-earned masters diploma hopefully this may. fingers crossed still :)

a few more months to go and i will be putting my skills and competencies to the test. i am anticipating for the fun learning, shitty days and crappy insults --- no pun intended. i really am looking forward to them.

i have been saying this over and over, and i here i go again: i am so blessed.