May 5, 2009

on moving on

In relationships, breaking-up and finding another is inevitable. This is a seismic cyclical event that goes around until we have found the exact opposite made for us. But until then, everything is a trial and error, a fixture of mix and match.

The chapters squeezed in the middle of the titanic phrase “moving on” are probably the most tricky and thorny among other things in the relationship manual. “Getting used to being single” and “getting used to seeing the other with someone new” are different contexts with varying levels of difficulty. And whether you admit it or not, it takes colossal strength to pull together a superhuman feat to overcome them.

“Getting used to being single” is not synonymous to “being brokenhearted”. When you wake up and enter the day acknowledging the fact that the pronoun ‘you’ is not anymore plural, that’s what is meant by “getting used to being single”. There’s this knowledge that unlike the previous months or years, you will do things and go through them without that special someone to call or IM however things turn-out. It is the reality that the particular date of every year marking your togetherness is forevermore banished. It is going to events not anymore towing your plus-one. It is you and you alone. But no matter how sad at first this phase seems to be, it is also the time we get to re-connect with ourselves. It is, by far, the best opportunity to get-to-know and reassess who really are and what we want. It is the great time to be selfish. Me, me, me and more me.

When you finally do get a grip of being single --- you’re happy, you’re having fun, you feel absolutely superb and all that and et cetera, the big question now is this, “What will you do if you learned that your ex has found someone new?”

“Getting used to seeing the other with someone new” is entirely different from “being bitter”. But just because you felt a pang or twinge, it doesn’t mean you’re either bitter or jealous. This is just barely adjusting to the reality that once upon a time it was you. That you were the other half of your yin-yang. That it was you who completed the plurality of the relationship that once was. That’s just simply it. And this is where acceptance strikes in. It’s the route of hailing the fact that at one point or the other, separately, we will find another psyche, only that the timing is unpredictable. Most of the time, someone goes first while the other continues to search. But sometimes, the timing can be the same.

It takes a specific length of time to move on. No doctor can prescribe exactly how many days or weeks must be consumed before one can scream to the world, “I’ve moved on!”

I wrote this as a salute to all the brave hearts out there whose emotions have been shattered, but gathered all the courage to stand up and start moving on.

“How do you move on? You move on when your heart finally understands that there is no turning back.”

– Mr. Frodo Baggins, Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien

Thank you E for the inspiration.