Aug 14, 2009

maktub

I wonder how my live would be right now if I went to Med school. Maybe that’ll be a question I’ll have to ask myself for the remainder of my life. Or … no one really knows, maybe I’ll still make it there in the future.


I have always believed that I’d make a good doctor. I always have. For some unknown reason, I’ve continuously thought that being a doctor would be the perfect career for me. With how things are going in my life right now, I’m still unsure if being a nurse is my true calling. Even with my on-going doctorate studies, I still can’t make-up my mind if being a nurse is what I want and if I can certainly live with it. Call me ungrateful or whatever you christen this particular thinking of mine, but it’s just how I really feel at the moment.


Yet until now, every time I see Medical interns, let alone doctors, I’d still feel that flicker of twinge I have felt ever since I found out that I just couldn’t be in Med school and follow that dream. I still have not wholly accepted the unexplained reality that no matter how hard I paddle myself towards that road, the heavens would defy my willpower and eventually lead me to where I am right now. A clear index of how some things in life simply just stir in mystery.


“Destiny is only for losers --- it’s just a lame excuse for letting things happen, instead of making them happen.” I have been an uprooted follower of this belief; I’ve said it a lot of times to myself, and to numerous friends. I wasn’t someone who’d allow certain things to occur just like that. I was always one to challenge and defy gravity until I’ve proven myself victor of my conquest. But what has, and is still happening in my career sojourn at the moment is a detour I have yet to fathom.


Sometimes, things happen. And no matter how someone like me, a destiny non-believer, would contest what I want with what is in store for me, I would not end triumphant. They say that waging opposition against fate would never guarantee the challenger glory. I never believed in that, maybe I do now.


An old foreign saying said “Maktub” --- “it is written”. It stipulates that everything that has, is and will happen to every person’s life has been written in the hands of time, even long before we were born. Maybe I’ll find the heart to never question it again … someday.


My friend, Maria, once told me, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your future plans.” Maybe that’s how she reduced “maktub” to make it appear less complex and serious. You’d be surprised with the rare wisdom some of our seemingly insane friends can give us.


Oh well, when things do and do not happen … life.