the cynic is confused. this is about matters that has something to do with the heart. my heart, that is.
the people who know me can attest to the fact that i am not someone who is fond of broadcasting whatever it is that is happening in my personal life. as much as possible, i try to keep 70-80% of the details with regards my status. i share, but i make it a point to only give the bird's eye view of things. a little secretive, you may say. the thing with divulging everything is, first: you can trust that by the next 24 hours, almost everyone in your circle will know about them; and second: you don't get to have that luxury of privacy a person only experiences when he/she enjoys moments that is solely his/hers.
although i'm not really sold on the idea of love in the boy-girl relationship scope, i wish for some "sparkle" in that part of my life from time to time. something that would somehow have a long lifespan; lesser than or equivalent to that of a lipstick. it may sound shallow, but i prefer that kind than the "stretched and serious" type at the moment.
lately, i'm in constant confrontation with this "sparkle". one-way or two-way, i have no idea. well actually, i want "something" from it. i still can't figure, but i want something good to come out from the "sparkle" --- something solid, a realization, a materialization perhaps. i don't want it badly though, but i think i could use it and maybe, just maybe, i need it right now. but as usual, i almost always compare and contrast myself with the other party. and almost always, i feel inadequate and unworthy as a result thereof. but so much for the insecurity talk. yes, at the moment, i am savoring the joy this "sparkle" brings even if the likelihood of an "us" is hazy. i think it's okay to be happy even for just a short while.