Next semester, I will be going to my "doctorate proper" classes. It's kind of overwhelming how I passed this sem with a stride. Of course I learned a lot of things from my classes, but my "Need For Achievement" --- as one of my professors would remind everyone in class --- was not there. Reaching that realization makes me a little sad. Looking back, my class attendance wasn't superb. Even if my classes were scheduled to suit me, still I couldn't manage to drag my ass regularly to class. Which is why I made a lot of effort to excel in my reports, and in my oral and written exams. It was my version of undoing --- paying up for not being around every single meeting. It would've been great if I wasn't acting like a ghost who'd just come and go. I think it would make me feel more good about my self if I really gave this first sem my full 100%.
At the moment, my grip on the will to pursue my doctoral degree is slowly becoming loose. For some reason, I'm getting tired with going through the horrendous process of graduate studies once more. BUT, I still want to go to school. Yet, another school. A change of environment perhaps. A detour. I'd like that.
The sad thing is, there are a lot things to be considered before I indulge myself in that uncertain road shift. Should I or should I not carry on with what I have gotten myself into? As if I have a choice, haha. The obvious, less wicked answer would be, I should. I just should. Go!
Next semester, I'll try my hardest to be more enthusiastic about this pursuit. I'll put more energy, more life into it. "More energy, mas happy". Oh good luck to me come start of classes.
*** This is something I wrote a week ago in one of the pages of my notebook-cum-journal.
*** While lunching alone today ...
So today I went to class. Although the semester has officially ended, I came to school. I came because 1) some of my classmates had their reports and a few of them requested the presence of yours truly for my opinion/s, 'vibrant' interest and participation (I'm very vocal about my ideas, thoughts and reactions in class), and 2) I had to show up for attendance plus points (I'm quite a sucker for 'good' grades teehee).
I thought I would be bored since I woke up not feeling very energetic. Excellent thing, I wasn't. The topics today were really good: Transactional Analysis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming --- two counseling and psychotherapy techniques I haven't explored until today. So yeah, I learned a lot and was very happy when I wrote my essay on the two. It just feels so great to learn, never mind my absences hehehehe.
My professor in that course is one of the best mentors I have met. She is just so good at what she is doing. She inspires me, really. Everyone in class is in unison with me in praise. We all learn a whole lot from her. Because she wants us to put into practice the things we have learned, she gave us our last hoorah! by making each one of us conduct a 15-minute minimum counseling, recorded. I am quite excited with this one :) I wonder how mine will come up.
Yesterday, my classmates and I staged a surprise dinner party for another dear professor. She was really in awe with the humble gathering we planned the week before. She has been a mother to me, the youngest member of the class, and my other classmates as well. Every time the class would meet, she would always make it a point to share inspiring stories, give us the life lessons she has acquired through the years and remind us of the beauty of life and prayer. She really knows how to inject that electricity everyone needs after a long day. Talk about instant morale and esteem boost! I will surely miss Madame :( I hope I get to see her more often next semester.
*** An epipahny as I ate dinner ...
Remembering the professors I hold close to my heart makes me want to achieve more, give my all in everything I do. Recalling the moments we had, the pieces of advice they gave me, stirs that fire of motivation deep within me ...
So, here's a toast to the start of classes! Bring it on!
This has been your drenched and weak Icon, getting ready and starting to light that torch for next semester's run. More energy!