Oct 5, 2009

My Spiderman Confabulation

Please allow me to confabulate.

I don't exactly know why I am posting this. Although I've been blogging for quite some time now, I'm still not that at ease with having my thoughts and experiences out for the world to know. I'm not sure if I have constant "followers" or if there are actually people who are willing to waste their time by reading my blog. But still, with blogging you reveal your self; and as I've said, I'm still not that comfortable with that.

I can't sleep. I can't sleep because first, I'm back to being an insomniac; and second, I've been thinking a lot about this guy I have a major crush on.

Mine is case of I-know-the-guy-guy-doesn't-know-me. Yes, poor me, hehehe. I could choose to tell all my friends about my current fixation because none of them know him personally since he's a celebrity. But I opted to tell only a handful of friends, as if my secret admiration will reach the guy if my friends would spill.

Aira told me, "We're 20-something already, isn't it about time we have REAL crushes and not REEL ones?". I battled with her, saying that my crush is real and not otherwise. But really, who am I fooling? Though he's not a model, an actor, a news personality and the likes, he's still considered a celeb. Born into a famous, influential family, he can't avoid the limelight. So technically, he's a celebrity.

Ever since it dawned on me that I have this thing for him, I've been thinking about him nonstop. Ayeenda was the first to know about my whirlwind attraction for the guy, she also knows the silly things I've done to try and get to know him better and all that seemingly hopeless stuff girls do when they have a major crush on someone. It was her who reassured me that what I am doing to myself at the moment is normal. And it was her who morphed into web-stalker mode when I told her who my crush was --- an act of moral support, I'd like to believe. Showing her friend that it's practically okay to fall head over heels with someone you haven't even met in person.

So yes, I am in love. Let's call him Peter Parker. Why him of all comic book heroes? I chose Spiderman because it was his story and adventures that I was really hooked to --- not Superman's nor Batman's. Peter Parker because even if I'm a girl, I can very much relate to him. My geeky passions, my fondness for taking photos, my ultimate love for writing (Peter Parker's a photojournalist, not just a plain photographer) and so much more. I christen my crush Peter Parker because if a hero were to save me and sweep me off my feet, he would nonetheless be Spiderman. Him and no other. Not even Superman nor Batman can do the latter.

At the moment I am single. I am not prowling around in the look for someone special; he will just come. Not really waiting-waiting. Just living up my life, and if a pleasant surprise would meet me at any crossroad, that'll be, well ... a surprise!

But of course a part of me is hoping, wishing, praying that the Spiderman who I am constantly dreaming of will be the one to surprise me one day. It's an inevitable wishful thinking. It sounds utterly crazy as he is by all means out of reach --- and I mean that in every literal sense of the phrase. But nobody really knows. Who am I nor you, to predict what's waiting in fate's capricious play :)

Hopeful Mary Jane signing off. Good morning everyone! :)