Mar 12, 2010

A Nonsense Note To My Crush

I was scribbling away on my notebook while I was waiting for my friends to arrive at Hebrews. This is what came out.

It’s a widely known fact that the best thing about liking someone is the undeniable new meaning it breathes to your life. The very instant you realize that you hold a certain degree of admiration for someone, every day, from that moment forward, everything just feels right. It’s as if the whole world has conspired to make you feel brand new; to make you see joy even in the most unfortunate of things --- like nothing is impossible. And every day, you simply know that not only are you alive and living, you are existing.

Suddenly, you feel so good about yourself. You feel your lungs getting fresh air. You feel your heart beating once more. Each morning when you wake up, even if it’s cloudy outside, you see the skies open up. You sing, even when you’re out of tune. You dance, even if there’s no music. You see light, even when the world around you is in havoc. You see a ray of hope, a flicker of radiance in almost anything. Worst of all, you smile for no absolute reason --- exactly like a crazy, unbalanced person. And all this … all this, is because of one soul.

What I love about one-sided admiration is the amount of complication involved --- none. You simply marvel at the person, in all his glory, from afar. Zero mayhem because there are no strings attached. No one really knows how you feel, but you and a few of your friends. But of course, you get into miniscule troubles. The entire production of getting him to notice you, and keeping track of him is one. Accepting the fact that he won’t look your way is another. But, the rigmarole of it all is good fun and worth every inch of the mess. You get that jolt of electricity even at the mere sight of him, after all. What’s not gleeful in that?

So, to my crush:

I don’t even know if you’ll have the chance to read all this nonsense, however, please know that you have caught my eye. It was unexpected because usually, I wouldn’t look at guys like you. Normally, I wouldn’t single you out from the crowd. Not so long ago, I have used several adjectives to describe you, including “childish” and “retard-ish”. But I was completely wrong, and in turn, though quite embarrassing to admit, I swallowed what I said. You must know that the guys I would typically prefer are not half the man you are. Also know that I have technically been stalking you, all thanks to the internet, especially Facebook, and the few common friends we have. Although there’s really no likelihood of you having the same feelings as I have, there’s a small spark of wishful thinking inside me. I hope you understand. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, I just woke up one morning and realized that you’re absolutely amazing.

I utterly feel like a kid with a teenage crush. And I think it's okay. It's alright to be happy even just for a while.